Time To Be Together
by UniqueInsanity
Summary: Post Ep for 13x15 Forget Me No. Wrote in the teary eyed aftermath, at five am! Let me know what you think, guys!
1. Chapter 1

_**xxx**_

She couldn't bring herself to go back home. Not just yet. Not until she had a chance to deal with all of these emotions enough to be able to face her home again after knowing Basderic had been in there, on more than one occasion.

She shuddered at the thought of it as she made her way to the locker room. She sighed as she sank down onto the bench, as she had so many times before. She tentatively opened her locker door, and her eyes fell on a picture of her a Grissom, one that had been snapped of them on the canoe on their honeymoon. Her eyes filled with tears, and she blinked them away.

How she had managed to function over the past few weeks, she didn't know.

Well, she did.

She didn't want to believe it was over. She wanted to believe this was just Grissom. It was another one of his moments, his doubts. He pushes her away, and then he would come back. That was what always happened. That was why she went to the restaurant. She had really expected him to show up.

When the waitress set the cake with the candle down on front of her, just for one moment, she thought it was her husband.

Could she call him her husband anymore?

She sighed heavily, glad the rest of the team had gone home after she had assured them she was okay. Nick and Greg took a little longer to persuade, but she did it.

She glanced to the door and sighed once more, transported back to the time years ago, when Grissom had stood at that door, and told her he was leaving on his sabbatical. He said he would miss her. But, he came back.

He hadn't come to her yet. She hadn't heard from him at all, actually.

She closed her eyes, and lay down across the bench, pulling her feet up onto the seat. Work was always her safe place. As a child it was school work, and now, it was her job.

Everything else could disappear, her family, her friends, her husband, but she would still have her job.

She almost lost all of that. Ronald almost too everything away from her.

Except Grissom, she seemed to do a good job of that herself.

She ran her hands through her hair, her eyes closed. How long could she stay at the lab before she had to return home? Before she had to face that empty house, with only pictures, taunting her on what she lost.

She had finally thought things were going to work out for her. She had finally started to relax and think that for once, she was getting something good in life. Then it just all turned and smacked her in the face. One phone call was all it took.

One phone call between her and Grissom.

One phone call between Ronald and Taylor.

"You uh, should be at home."

Her eyes shot open, and she straightened up immediately. Was she dreaming this? She blinked furiously, as if trying to clear the image, but it only brought tears to her eyes, and a sad smile crossed her lips.

"I couldn't face going back to an empty house. Not right now."

Grissom stepped into the locker room, as he had done years ago, his fingertips touching. He was glad Russell had taken the time to call him, or he might not have known what was happening at all. "Come on, honey. Let's go home. Let's talk."

Sara looked at him for a moment, and she could see the emotions in his eyes that he didn't have to speak. She knew they were there.

She stood up, stopping before him. "No talking… Not yet. Just… Just be with me. Here."

Grissom gave a small smile, and nodded, his own blue eyes shining with tears. They had a lot to talk about, but she was right, that could wait. His hand slid comfortably to the small of her back, and he led her out of the lab.

They had done enough talking for now, now it was just time to be together.

_**xxx**_

_**A/N:**_ How we feeling guys? Honestly, I'm still crying. What do y'all think is in store for these guys now?


	2. Chapter 2

_**xxx**_

**Flashback: ****Set after Dead Air.**

The bartender passed another glass her way, what he counted to be her fourth since she had come in less than an hours ago. "Double vodka, on the rocks."

She didn't even look up to him, just slid the twenty across the counter, and pulled the glass to herself as she stared down into it, watching the ice swirl around in the clear liquid. He placed the change on the bar beside her, but if she noticed, she didn't reckon him.

She knew it had been coming. It has been coming for a long time. They had avoided it for a while, the last few visits were more about sex than talking. It was easier that way. When he wanted to address it, she had avoided him. Now she knew what it was that he had wanted.

She couldn't say she was shocked. It was only a matter of time. Numb was a more accurate word she would use. Her chest heavy, and her stomach had that sinking feeling you got when you're on a rollercoaster, but without the excitement and adrenaline. This was a rollercoaster into hell, as far as she was concerned. Ready to crash and burn.

Stop thinking about roller coasters, she mentally scolded herself.

She picked up her glass, and knocked it back in one go. The burning sensation as it slid down her throat was oddly comforting. She set the empty glass back down, and unfolded her arms from the top of the bar. She went back to doing what she had spent most of this hour doing. Looking at her wedding ring.

She had never realised what a comfort it had been, until now, now that she no longer had a right to wear it. Who would have guessed that a simple band of gold could be so reassuring. She knew without it she would feel naked, her personal life stripped bare for all to see. Everyone would know that it was finished. The rumor mill would start again.

She felt sick at the thought of that. She thought she had finally escaped those days, of walking down the hallway and hearing the whispers behind her back. It had gone on for the entire eight years she had been there, but had seemed to die down when she came back, except for every now and then, like when Doug came, but she could handle that.

It always used to be about how she was chasing Grissom, she should just move on, he would never get with her. Then there was rumors about Hank, and Nick on her side, and Terri, Lady Heather and Sofia. Not all of them were rumors, but twisted versions of the truth. When he had eventually realised that they should be together, that they were meant to be together, the rumors stopped bothering her as much.

They had a secret that nobody else in the lab knew about. None of them knew, and she loved it. When she came back to Vegas, the ring was enough for them to all see how wrong they were, all those years ago, she had married Gilbert Grissom.

Now, she was the one who he would probably divorce.

She couldn't face telling the guys. She could only imagine how they would react. Would they see the whole picture? They both looked up to Grissom as if he was a father, and if anyone said something against him, they jumped to his defense almost before she could. Would they take his side in this, and see her as the bad guy, to hurt their most respected figure?

And if they weren't mad at her, one thing she couldn't stand was pity, and they would pity her. The rumor mill would be cranked to it's highest, about all the possible ways she messed things up with Grissom, because everyone in that lab that knew him, hero-worshiped him. She used to be one of them. But, he had his faults too, yet nobody seemed to be able to recognize that.

She twisted the band between her shaking fingers. She would say nothing for now. Once again this was her secret to bare. And maybe, he would figure out just how wrong he was before anyone else found out, and they wouldn't have to know. She knew Grissom better than anyone, he just needed a little more time, maybe the would talk soon, and try and sort things out. There had to be another resolution to it, other than just giving up.

She had fallen in love with this man almost twenty years ago. Twenty years, of loving him, of being with him, then not being with him, then being with him again.

Was this really it, though?

Maybe... Maybe she just wasn't meant to have a happy ending. After everything in her life, the universe decided to keep screwing with her. Maybe it was a Sidle curse. Her alcoholic, abusive father, stabbed to death seven times by her alcoholic, schizophrenic mother, and her junkie brother, dead because he couldn't pay what he owed to a dealer. Maybe it was her turn next.

The bartender returned, sliding another glass across to her. This time she looked up to him, meeting his eyes for the first time in the hour that she had sat there, drowning her dissolving marriage in alcohol.

"What's this?" She asked, her voice cracking a little as she spoke, forcing her to clear her throat.

"From the guy down there." He pointed to the other end of the bar, where a tall, dark haired man at the end of the bar, good looking by all standards. He smiled and raised his own drink, winking at Sara.

She gave a small smile back, and felt a blush creeping up onto her cheeks. It had been a long time since she had a man buy her a drink at a bar, granted, it had been a long time since she had been at a bar.

When he started to make his way towards her, she didn't think of turning him away. No, she welcomed the presence. It was a distraction, from how her world was crumbling around her. She was surprised that someone was even taking an interest in her. She had to admit, it was a nice stroke to her ego. Talking to someone else, who didn't know about Grissom, would be so much easier than talking to anyone else at the lab.

She knew she was just craving interaction of any sort with another human being, but she found it hard to admit that to herself. Then she would have to admit just how bad things really were in her life, and as long as she could keep it locked away, she could carry on as normal. She didn't know how she would react if she let all of her emotions take over.

"You looked like you had a hard day, so I thought you might need another drink." He said smoothly as he slid onto the barstool beside her, resting his arm on the bar, turning his body so he was facing her.

Sara turned her head to look at him, a small smile on her lips. "Well, you guessed right." _More like a hard year._ "You have a good eye."

An easy smile settled onto his lips, his blue eyes shining. "Yeah, I have a talent, I guess you could say, for picking out some fine things."

Sara's lips pursed in amusement. He was confident, easy going, and definitely knew he was good looking, and how to use it. Those blue eyes were distracting, a pang in her chest reminded her why.

"I'm Taylor." He said as he offered her his hand, the coy smile still on his lips.

"Sara." She said as she took his hand, his touch firm, yet gentle, much like Grissom's, lingered a little longer than it should have.

"So, Sara, can I ask what brings you here, alone?" He asked, his eyes glancing to the ring that she now felt burning into her skin, before finding their way back to hers.

She pulled her arms to herself, covering her left hand, more so that she couldn't see it, instead of him.

"I just needed to get away from some things." She really didn't think she could explain much more, or she would break, and she didn't know if she could mend herself after that.

He seemed to pick up on that, and his hand brushed her arm as he picked up his drink, and held it up to toast, "Well then, to escape."

She laughed a little, and picked up her drink, their glasses clinked as they toasted. "To escape." She nodded, before they both knocked back their drinks.

Taylor motioned for the bartender, and ordered another round, which Sara insisted on paying for. She had never been comfortable with having things bought for her.

"So, where are you from, Sara?" He asked her as she sipped from her drink again.

"San Francisco, originally, Vegas now."

"Where abouts in Frisco?"

"Tamales Bay."

"Wow, small world. My parents are from Marshall. We moved here when I was four, but they moved back after I finished college, so I still go back and visit every now and then." He paused and they shared a small smile. "So, I guess the big question is, Giants or 51's?"

Sara winced slightly, and took another swig of her drink, to wash down the bile that had rapidly started rising in her throat. "Let's uh... Not talk about baseball."

"I called that wrong, didn't I? Not a baseball fan?" He looked apologetic.

"No, not a baseball fan." She said as she forced a small smile to her lips.

"Okay, well then I am totally open to hearing more about you." He said with a soft smile, as he leaned back slightly into a more relaxed position, but his knee rested against hers.

She wasn't good at talking about herself. She wasn't good at flirting. Well, not with this man. With someone else, it was completely different. "What would you like to know?"

"How about we start with where you work?"

"Oh, I don't know my line of work is something that is very appealing to most people." She said honestly.

"Come on, try me? It can't be that bad." He urged.

She looked back to her drink, for just a moment, before she nodded, looking back to him and smiling. "Law enforcement."

"Well, that suits."

"Really?"

"Yeah, a smart, independent, strong, beautiful woman. We need more like you in that industry." He said, earnestly, his eyes watching every move she made.

She felt herself blushing a little, and she looked away, pursing her lips. "You don't know that much about me."

"Yeah, you're right... But I want to."

Her heart was thumping in her chest, her thoughts were a whirlwind. Maybe it was the alcohol, or the loneliness over the last few months, but she wanted him to know more.

"I'm sorry... If that was a little forward of me." He paused, taking a deep breath. "I know you're... Involved."

Sara looked to him, and turned her body so she was facing him. "Ask away." She smiled, picking up her glass and finished the last of her drink, her eyes locked with his.

"Okay, were to begin..." He paused for a moment, mulling over his own thoughts. "The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?"

She couldn't help but laugh as she heard his question. She allowed herself to relax, and forced the thoughts that had plagued her from her mind. "The Rolling Stones."

Almost two hours passed between with an easy banter between the pair, trading likes and dislikes, thoughts and memories, about random subjects. Her mind was fuzzy thanks to the alcohol, but her heart was not as heavy.

His hand was resting on her arm as they spoke, both still facing each other.

"Well, as much as I have been enjoying this, I really should be going home now. I have to be back in work in a few hours."

"Ah, duty calls."

"Unfortunately, but someone has to do it." She said with a small smile.

"Well, let me walk you out." He offered as he stood, holding out his hand to her.

She didn't know why, but she nodded, grabbing her black leather jacket and shrugging it on, slinging her bag over her shoulder before she took his hand. It really reminded her of Grissom's, warm and firm in her own, tracing small circles on her skin, but his didn't fit quite right with her own, and were a little sweaty.

"Thank you for making that night a little better." She said as they hit the fresh air. She knew it was going to be a struggle to get up for work later. It had been a long time since she had a hangover, but she had a feeling this would make up for it.

A cab pulled up beside them, and she let go of his hand, stepping away from him, her back to the taxi. She had a sudden shiver down her spine, as she looked around her, that someone was watching them, but she looked back to him as he squeezed her hand.

"No, I want to thank you for allowing me to keep the company of such a beautiful young woman, who also happens to be incredibly intelligent and charming. Even if you do prefer the Rolling Stones to The Beatles, I think I can let that one slide." He teased.

She laughed, but before she had a chance to say anything, his lips were on hers. They were warm, soft and inviting. Her head was spinning, her heart pounding. Her hands came to rest on his chest as she kissed him back, getting lost in the small show of affection that had become such a distant memory to her. How long had it been since she had kissed someone?

His hands ran down her sides, resting on her hips, pulling her closer to him. Her hands slipped around his neck, a smile on her lips as the kiss deepened. His tongue teased her lips, and he bit gently on her bottom lip, as he slipped his thumbs beneath her shirt, to the warm skin of her hips.

"Sara..." He breathed against her lips.

Her whole body went rigid. She blanched, and pulled away as quick as she could, her hands on his chest, pushing him away. She had gotten lost in the moment, he was too familiar, too inviting. His skin was warm, his lips soft, his hold gentle. It all reminded her too much of Grissom, that was who it was in her minds.

The voice was not the right one, and burnt through her body like wildfire. What had she done?Tears sprung forth in her eyes, as she brought her now shaking hands to her lips. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

He sighed slightly and shook his head. "No, Sara, I shouldn't have pushed you. I know you're married."

Was she? Was she still married? What did splitting up mean anyway? Was he sending her divorce papers? Was it just temporary? She didn't know.

"It really was nice to talk to you, Sara. Maybe some other time." He said with a small smile.

Sara nodded, apologised once more, and bid him her goodbye before she slipped into the cab.

Ten minutes later she was home, and she had managed to only let a few tears slip down her cheeks in the cab.

She unset the alarm on her way in, reset it after her and locked the door. She dumped her bag by the door, not as she stumbled ever so slightly through the house into her bathroom. She kept her eyes trained on the floor, ignoring the pictures of her and her husband that dotted many of the walls and shelves.

She turned on the shower, the water hot, as she peeled the clothes from her body, feeling numb once more.

She stepped into the shower, her entire body shaking as the cascading river of hot water sprayed over her body. She felt dirty. She was not the type to cheat on her husband. She loved him, with every fiber of her being. She had known him for almost twenty years.

She brought her hands to her lips, she could still feel Taylor's on her own. She couldn't remember what Grissom's kisses felt like. It was too long ago. She leaned against the wall, trying to support herself.

She didn't understand why he was doing this. She knew he loved her, that wasn't the question here. Why would he give this up, after so long? They had been through so much, just to throw it all away?

For a while she thought she would get her happy ending. Obviously Sidle's didn't get a happy ending.

She picked up the sponge and started to scrub her body. She felt wrong. The skin he had touched burned, as if his touch had been burnt into her, marked her for the world to see.

Her legs were too shaky, and she slid to the ground of the shower, hugging her knees to her chest as she finally let herself cry.

She hadn't allowed herself to cry for so long. Not when he missed the dinner with his mother two years ago, or when her trip was postponed because they found another grave, or when the daily Skype calls turned weekly, the phone calls sporadic. She didn't cry when he missed the visit on their anniversary. Not when she realised what was happening, they were drifting apart. Not after Doug left, and it became painfully obvious to her, but she tried to ignore it. She had ignored, pushed him away, to try and push away the inevitable, to try and stop it. She couldn't stop it.

She hugged her knees to her chest as she sobbed. Her heart felt too heavy like it would burst from her chest if she didn't relieve some of this pressure.

She ran her hands through her hair, and then in a moment of anger, confusion and frustration, she slammed her fists against the wall beside her.

She closed her raw eyes, and tilted her head back against the cold tiles.

How did she even go about beginning to fix her life, to fix the mess she had found herself in?

For once, she had no idea.

_**xxx**_

**A/N: **The Sara in my head demanded I write this, and it just all come together. You guys wanted more, and I need to write something to get rid of all of these feels. Let's see how this goes.

How are you all feeling now? See the CSIWritersRoom tweet? 'What makes you guys think GSR is over?' or Liz Devine's message, 'Sorry to disappoint the Sara Grissom fans. But Sara deserves someone who puts her ahead of his work. More practically we are unlikely to get Billy back ever.' What are you thinking? Will there be a GSR reunion?

I'd love a review, let me know what you thought of this if you have a minute! (Help with my feels!)


	3. Chapter 3

_**xxx**_

"Have you been sleeping at all?" His sleepy voice came from the hallway, startling Sara. She had not heard him getting up.

When they got home, he had stayed true to his promise of not talking about what had happened. They had come home, he ran a bath for her, and she asked him to join her. They had purposely looked for a house with a tub that they could share together. Mostly it had gone unused since they purchased the house. He had only been here four times, and most of that time was spent in the bedroom, or they shared the shower in her rush to get to work, and his to go to the airport.

When the water started to turn cold, the left the bath, he dried her off, and she dried him off, in complete silence, with no pressure to talk. Sara didn't want to talk, she knew what was coming. She just wanted to have him with her, just for the moment, before they started that talk.

He held her on the sofa, Sara wearing her favorite kimono, Grissom dressed in sweats and blue Harvard shirt that Sara always kept here in her drawer, so he made a point of wearing it when he was here. A documentary on the most notable inventions filled the room with a soft noise, yet neither were paying attention, they were both too lost in their own thoughts, their own worries.

His hands started to roam, mindlessly at first, but when he touched the warm skin just above her knee, tracing small circles on her soft skin, a small sigh left her lips, that aroused his attention (well, it aroused more than that.)

They both loved each other, neither of them ever questioned that. Thet both missed each other, that was painfully obvious, and it had been too long since they had been together, since they had made love.

There was a burning desire in both of them, to be together on that physical, intimate level. Sara just needed to be close to him, as close as she could manage.

He stood and offered her his hand, a perfect fit for hers, and led her to their bedroom. He wondered just for a moment could he really call it their bedroom, seeing as he was hardly ever there. That thought quickly disappeared as he pulled her close to him, tugging on the tie that held her kimono together, as his lips met hers.

All thoughts left her mind. Nothing mattered right now, not Ronald, not Taylor, not her Mother, not the lab, not the phonecall they had only a few weeks ago, which had effectively ended their marriage. She needed this, and he did too, even if it would make things worse in the end. Right now, she didn't care. As she lay on the bed, and his warm body covered hers, she forgot about everything.

Less than an hour later, Grissom was asleep by her side, but no matter how she tried, she couldn't sleep. She slipped away from his familiar body, a small grunt leaving his lips at the loss of contact, but he remained asleep. She stood and pulled on a pair of her own boy shorts, and then covered herself in her kimono.

Dawn was just breaking as she slipped into the living room, the early morning light filtering through the glass, illuminating her path. She sat on the chair nearest the windows, one she had positioned there only a few weeks ago, for the sleepless nights she had. She would sit up, staring out the window, twirling her wedding band as she thought.

She didn't know how long she had been sitting there when he got up, but the sun was almost fully up.

She didn't even look over her shoulder to him. "When do you leave?" Her voice was almost emotionless, blank.

"I fly out tomorrow morning."

Sara's heart sunk. She had hoped she was wrong, but she knew her husband too well. No, he wasn't her husband anymore, that was the point of this.

"Why did you come here, Grissom?"

He flinched a little at the use of his second name. It had been a long time since she had called him Grissom. He moved out of the hallway, and over to Sara, where he pulled one of the chairs from the table over so he could sit in front of her, yet she didn't look at him. She sat with her knees hugged tight to her chest, staring out of the window. He had seen her do this before, and it broke his heart. She did it the day she told him of her Mother, she did it the night he had not come home, when he had been at Heather's, she did it often after Natalie. It was how he knew something was wrong with her, she held herself so tight, to try and stop herself from falling apart.

He reached out to take her hand in his, just needing to touch her. She didn't pull away from him as he half expected her too, but she turned her head ever so slightly to look at him. Her eyes conveyed everything he needed to know. He was hurting her more than she could put into words. That was why he had to do this.

"I needed to make sure you were okay." His voice was just above a whisper. This was just as hard for him, he felt if it was much higher, it would break.

She laughed, a sarcastic laugh that only Sara was capable of. "Do I look okay to you, Grissom? I was accused of murder, of assault, I've been stalked for weeks by a psychotic killer who was out to get me. He has been in here, while I was sleeping, he switched my pills, he followed me. Do you think any of that makes me okay?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out, and she continued on anyway. "Or, if that isn't enough, how about a few weeks ago my husband who has been on another continent for almost three years while I've been here in Vegas, phones to tell me that we should split up."

"I heard that you weren't sleeping..." He trailed off, the only thing that he could think of coming to mind.

"Let me guess, you also heard about the drinking and the pills? Yeah, I've been struggling just a little to deal with this, Grissom, I'm sure you can imagine why. I've been trying to deal with is as best as I can, I've been trying to go on as normal, I never told Nick or Greg, because I knew once it got out, I would be seen as the bad guy. If I told them, I would have to believe it myself."

"Do you know, I sat at that restaurant waiting for you? I was there for almost two hours on my own, hoping you would show up. You never cancelled it, it was my birthday, I thought you would have showed up. I can't help thinking that if you had been there, none of that would have ever happened, Taylor wouldn't have come to the table."

Grissom didn't speak, he knew it was best not to. She needed to get this all out of her system, it had been building up for too long.

"I know you know about the photos, I... I really am sorry about that, you know I would never cheat on you, ever. It was just after I got off the phone to you... I was at a bar, I had drank a lot, he bought me a drink, we talked, he was a fan of baseball, he liked rollercoasters, he had blue eyes and warm hands. Dammit Grissom, when he kissed me, I convinced myself it was you. That was how badly I needed you with me, I was so warped, I wanted to believe this stranger was you. Then, he spoke, and it wasn't your voice, it was his, and that shattered everything, and I ran. I want you to know I would never cheat on you, and nothing happened in his hotel room, we just talked."

Grissom nodded somberly. Not only had he heard of the photos, a copy of them had also been sent to him, but he had a gut feeling there was more to the story, because Sara was not the type to cheat, he knew that. "I know, Sara."

"Do you? Do you really know Grissom? Do you know how much I love you? Do you know that I have loved you ever since the moment I first locked eyes with those stupidly beautiful blue eyes of yours? When you first spoke to me, directly to me, my whole body tensed. Almost twenty years I have loved you. I waited, and waited for you to realize you loved me too, because I knew you did. After everything that happened between us in San Francisco, I knew you loved me from then too. So, I waited. Yes, I thought about giving up more than once, I wondered if it was worth it."

"But I soon realised that of course it was worth it. You are my one and only, Gil. You know that. You have to know that." Tears were in her eyes now, and they mirrored in his own, as he nodded. He did know that, that was why he had to do this.

"Sara..."

"No, let me finish." She insisted, and when he didn't protest, she continued. "I didn't go through everything I did with you, I didn't wait, I didn't fight for nothing. You finally accepted it, you allowed me in, and we got engaged, and we got married. Yes, a lot of horrible stuff happened inbetween, but we always found our way back to each other. Always. When you turned up in Costa Rica, dammit, I fell in love with you all over again. I had the best years of my life with you there, then in Paris, as your wife, as your friend, as your research partner."

"I know I made the decision to stay in Vegas, but truthfully, we needed it, one of us had to be here to try and win that research grant, and it was most logical for me to be the one here. I understand that. I know how stressful things have been over the last few months, something changed, and we were no longer as close as we were, days went where we didn't speak, weeks where we didn't see each other. That doesn't mean I'm ready to give up. We have so many other options here, I could leave Vegas. You could come back. We could start another project. You've always talked about wanting to write a book, you could do that here."

She paused to take a breath. "I've been completely alone without you. I constantly feel like something is missing from my life. Do you know how hard it is to come home here every night, to know I will be sleeping alone, with only that damn blue shirt of yours to hug, and only pictures to remind me that you actually do exist, that you weren't just some figment of my imagination. Sometimes that's how I feel. I know DB, Finn and Morgan all think it. They have never seen you, they've only heard of you. The legend of Gil Grissom."

"I am not ready to throw away almost twenty years of loving you, Gil. I'm not ready to say goodbye, not now, not ever." The tears were spilling down her cheeks, and he reached to wipe them away as his own started to fall, the words she had used over seven years ago striking a chord with him.

"Sara, honey... You have to understand. I... I can't come back to Vegas. Just like you couldn't stay here after Natalie, I can't come back here... And as much as you say you can leave, I know you would do it, but you wouldn't be happy. The team, they're your family. You were unhappy in Paris because I was working, and you weren't, and you missed Nick and Greg and Cath. I can't ask that of you, and I can't come back. It's time we do this, Sara... You know it's all we have left to do, that was why you avoided me for so long."

He had now vacated his seat on the chair, and was sitting next to her on the armchair, as she cried, holding her tight to him. "It's the best thing for both of us right now."

"Nothing about this is good for me, and if you think it is, I think we really need to reconsider that doctorate title you have, 'cause you can't be as smart as everyone thinks you are." She sniffed, trying to sound as forceful as she could, her blurry eyes locked with his.

"Give it some time, you just need some time away, to yourself, and you'll start to see things clearly."

There was that laugh again, the sarcastic one that made his stomach ache. "You think I need time to myself? That is all I have had for years, Grissom. What I need is you. I need time with you."

"I'm sorry, Sara. I really am." This was possibly the hardest thing he ever had to do.

Sara looked up to him, and nodded. If it was possible to witness someones heart breaking through their eyes, he had just seen it, and his own followed.

She stood up and walked away from him, into her bedroom, and she shut the door.

He crumpled when the door was shut, his body shaking with the silent sobs he wouldn't let her know he shed.

Sara couldn't bring herself to lie on the bed they had made love in for what might be the final time, only a few hours ago. She pulled the blanket from the bed, and lay across the chaise, pulling the blanket over her as she cried. She needed to cry. She was too tired from the effort it had taken her to not cry over the last two weeks. She was just tired.

After about ten minutes, Grissom had finally managed to stop crying. He walked to the bedroom door soundlessly, and pressed his ear against it. He could still hear her crying. Each sound hurt his heart even more. He ran his hand over his face as he flexed his jaw. He had cried more in the last two weeks than he did when she had left Vegas years ago.

He didn't know how long he stood outside the room, waiting for her tears to stop. When she was silent for a while, he crept inside, and tried not to break again when he seen her on the chaise. It was wrong of him to have taken her as he did when he knew what he was going to do afterwards, but he just needed to be in her one final time. It would make things harder, especially after they both proclaimed their love for each other as they reached climax, and he hated himself for making things harder than they had to be for her.

He dressed in silence, and brought himself to stand beside her. He knew he shouldn't, but he left the blue shirt he had worn hanging over the side of the chaise. He had a feeling she might need it, just for a little while. He brushed away the wet hair that was plastered to her tear stained cheek, and bent, kissing her forehead softly. "I do love you with all of my heart, Sara." He whispered, pulling the blanket tighter around her so she wouldn't get cold. He was glad in a way, that she was sleeping.

He made one stop on the way out, and he knew she wouldn't appreciate it. He checked the usual spots where she kept alcohol, and took them with him in a bag, he would dump somewhere. He knew it didn't mean much, she could always buy more, but he hoped maybe it would remind her to look after herself.

He grabbed his bag and made his way to the door, the sun was bright in the sky now, almost mocking the darkness he felt in his chest. He took one last look into their home, noticing every picture she had of them both. He wondered how long it would take for her to remove them. With a heavy sigh, he stepped outside and started walking.

He would call Greg or Nick in a bit and ask them for a ride to the airport, but he just needed some time to himself right now. He needed to speak to one of them, so they knew how important it was to look after Sara, because she might not be capable of doing it herself.

Maybe they would hate him, but they didn't understand his motives. He couldn't tie her down to him, a husband who was almost sixty years old, who was rarely in the same country as she was, and he couldn't come back any more than she could leave. He wouldn't force her into this relationship, when there was a chance she could get over him, and move on with someone else. He couldn't give her the life she wanted, the family they both craved. She had miscarried before Paris, and she hadn't been able to get pregnant since then. He blamed himself.

Maybe things could have worked, they could have put more of an effort into talking, into seeing each other. Sara had talked about cutting down to five days a week in the lab and spending weekends with him, dipping into their savings to pay for it. Maybe that would have been enough, to get to have their relationship back.

But then he got the test results back, and his mind was made up. She was better off without him.

_**xxx**_

**A/N:** So, this had been going in a whole different direction, but the characters in my head demanded write it this way, so this is what I have done. I know that was probably a hard chapter to read, it was incredibly, incredibly hard for me to write, I still just feel emotionally drained over these two. I know there was a lot of twists and turns there, I hope you all enjoyed, and I would love a review, even just one word, to let me know what you think. Anyone feeling more positive about GSR now?


	4. Chapter 4

_**xxx**_

He knew where to go to find her. He knew what she was like. Having been so close to her for so many years, it made her easy to track down. Just because there had been some distance between them, and they hadn't spoken much, it didn't change the facts.

When he walked into the dimly lit bar, off strip, he did not doubt this was where he would find her. The people in law enforcement had a bar they frequented at the end of each shift, where drinks were flowing, and they tried to forget about the shift they just had, and mingle with others who understood their line of business. She had mentioned a different bar the last time they had talked, when he had been in Vegas, and made the comment that it was where she went when she wanted to get away from work, from the world.

He was, however, surprised by the scene that met him. She was surrounded by about five men, cheering her on as she downed a shot of clear liquid, she grimaced, leaned forward and licked the salt off of the young mans neck who had his head cocked to the side for her, and then grabbed the lime wedge from the counter and bit into it. She grinned at the round of cheers that went up.

He smirked slightly at the memories this scene brought back, to their days in San Francisco, but then he shook it off. That was many years ago, that was not who she was anymore. It was like a flashing red beacon that nothing was right in her life anymore.

Where was the beautiful, captivating, intelligent woman he had known as Sara Sidle? She was a shadow of her former self. She had clearly lost weight, her skin was paler than normal, the dark circles under her eyes suggested just how much sleep she had not been getting, and her hair hung limp, framing her thin face.

"Tequila round two, anyone?" She called, and was met by another round of cheers, as the bartender set another clear tumbler in front of her.

As she reached for it, a strong hand covered hers, and pushed it just out of her reach. She turned, and met the blue eyes that she had not expected to see here.

"Doug! What are you doing here? Want a drink?"

Man, she was hammered. How long had this been going on for, he wondered?

"No, no I don't. And you don't either, come on, time to go home, Sara."

Sara shook her head, trying to push him off of her. "No, I'd rather not go home, thanks. I'm fine where I am."

"I can still lift you, Sara. I can very easily carry you over my shoulder, so either you come willingly, or I'll haul you out of here." He warned her.

Sara's bleary eyes met his, and he stood firm. She knew he wasn't joking. Shoulders slumped in defeat, and exhaustion, she nodded. "Fine." She mumbled as she grabbed her jacket and her bag, obviously she had come straight from work.

She ignored the words from the men who had cheered her on, keeping her head down as she walked. Doug slipped in step beside her, and took her bag from her, slipping his arm around her waist to support her out. She didn't argue with him, or shrug him off.

"Why are you here, Doug?" She sighed, as the cool nights air assaulted her warm skin, causing her to shiver.

"If you really need to ask me that question Sara, you don't know me at all." He replied softly to her, leading her to his rented silver Vauxhall. "Come on, let's get you home."

She turned to look at him, and without giving him a moments notice, her lips were against his. It took him a moment to register what was happening, before he pulled away, pushing her off of him. "Let's go back to yours instead, Doug." She whispered, her voice strained, and he could see the tears glistening in her eyes. It hurt him to see her like this. He still cared a lot for her, he always had done.

"Sara, you aren't thinking straight. You know you don't want this. After you sleep this off, you will see things clearly." He said as he bundled her into the car. She was silent as a few stray tears fell down her cheeks.

Doug quickly made his way around to the drivers side, and slipped in, tossing her bag and jacket in the back seat. By the time they made it out from the bars parking lot, to her home, she was asleep.

She didn't wake fully as he carried her into the house, glad he had already been given the passcode for the alarm. He laid her down on her bed, slipped off her shoes and pulled the comforter tight around her.

She mumbled something as she pulled it tighter around her frame. He stood in the doorway for a few minutes as he watched her, ensuring she was okay, before he closed over the door, leaving it ajar just in case.

He made his was back into her living room, and he stood with hands in his pockets, as he glanced around. He might not be a CSI, but he had learnt a thing or two from her. There were obvious gaps on the shelves and tables where he guessed photo frames had been. She had obviously removed the photos she had of her and Grissom. Now that he thought about it, he hadn't glimpsed the gold wedding band that had caught his eye so many times only a few months previous when they had been working together.

There were only two photos that he could see, one, he guessed as being the old team, because he recognised Nick and Greg from it. It looked like it was taken at a birthday party, and he guessed it was Sara's, as she was the center of the photo. Beside her, stood Grissom, the man he wanted to talk to, with his arm around her waist. To her left, was Nick, and beside him stood a strawberry blonde haired woman with a nice figure, one that reminded him of his ex-wife. Beside Grissom was a dark skinned man, taller than the rest of them, and beside him was Greg. He knew they were like family to Sara, the only family she had ever really had, she had told him as much. No wonder she found it difficult to put that photo away.

The other photo, set between text books on Forensics and Physics, was of a brown boxer, holding an orange ball in his mouth. If dogs could smile, that was the closest he had ever seen to one. Hank, if he remembered correctly. He looked around again, and noted no signs of any animal living here. Did Grissom even take the dog from her?

He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. This was going to be harder than he thought. He never expected Sara to let herself get into such a mess, but she was obviously hurting. She had been through so much in her life, and there was only so much a person could take before they broke. The cracks were clearly beginning to show.

He made his way to the sofa, not wanting to sleep in the guest bedroom down the hall, because this was closer to her, if she needed it. He glanced at his watch, just after one in the morning. He toed his shoes off as he lay on the couch, and slowly drifted to sleep, his last thoughts about the brunette in the next room. He would do everything he could to help her.

_**xxx**_

"One. Two. Three. Four." She breathed heavily, her chest rising and falling, sweat dripping down her face. "One. Two. Three. Four." Her mantra continued.

Her legs protested, the weary muscles aching, her heart pounded against her chest, but she had gotten used to the pain in her chest over the last few weeks. Her head pounded with each beat of her heart, the hammering in her head continued. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea with a hangover, but she needed to get out and do something.

The relentless Vegas sun beamed down on her, but she didn't notice. Her mind was blank, the only thing she could hear was the sound of her blood pulsing through her veins, and the beating of her feet on the pavement. She didn't know how long she had been running, she hadn't kept track, but her screaming muscles and joints told her it was too long.

She had always loved jogging, it had always cleared her head, and been one of her few distractions from work. She went with a goal in mind, and then felt better for the day once she had reached her target.

Lately, running had become a lifeline for her. It was the only thing that kept her sane, that made it almost possible to get up for work, and drag herself through another shift in the lab. She told them she was fine, passed a smile, and did her work. It seemed to work for a while.

Only, she wasn't fine. She was the furthest thing from fine. She had thought the alcohol and the sleeping pills were a once off, but without them, she couldn't sleep. If she couldn't sleep, she spent all night sitting in the same chair near the window she had sat in the last time he had been in her home.

That's what it was now - hers, not theirs.

Also, she found that with their aid, she didn't dream. She was in a heavy sleep, that no lurking shadows in her mind could penetrate.

It was a pain when she got a call out in the middle of the night, she had to set her cell on the highest vibration, and sound under her pillow so that she would wake. Coffee and cough drops were two of her morning necessities now.

When she was on call, she tended to not go to sleep. She would read a journal, which soon turned to pacing, which in turn led to sitting in the chair, and inevitably, tears.

She was barely holding it together. There was only so much a person could take.

No, she was nearly on the verge of break down.

The shirt he had left, draped over the side of the chaise had been wrapped around his pillow, which she held for the first few nights, as she lay awake thinking. Since, it has lost his scent, and she had found herself standing in the mens aftershave aisle in the supermarket, about to pick up the one he favored, but she talked herself out of it. It was pathetic.

The burn in her legs should be a sign to stop, but she persisted. She was cracking up at home, she needed to not be in that house.

As she had started running more, drinking more, and eating less, she had started to lose weight again. It reminded her of almost ten years ago, when she was at what she had thought was her lowest, Grissom had rejected her, personally and professionally, she felt she had no future with either of the things she loved the most, her work and him.

Now, she knew what true rock bottom felt like, but she kept it hidden from her friends, from the only family she had left.

It was sad, she thought, a woman in her forties, probably going to be divorced in a number of weeks, who had devoted so much of her life to one man, and to her job. She had lost the man, and as it had been proven, she would never advance to any higher position in the lab.

She continued, brushing all thoughts from her mind, as she changed her side of streets, jogging across the road. "One. Two. Three. Four." She huffed. Tires screeched, and she jumped, snapping her head to the side.

A yellow Ford crunched to a halt before her, and she slammed her hand on the bonnet as if to keep it away from her, as she jumped back slightly.

"Jesus lady, do you have a death wish? Watch where you're going, I could have killed you." A young man shouted as he hopped out of his car, looking just as shaken.

Sara just nodded blindly, and apologised before racing to the other side, and rounding the corner. She leaned against the wall with a groan, running her shaking fingers through sweaty hair. She hadn't seen anything. She had been so wrapped up in her own thoughts, she had not seen the car. He was right, he could have killed her. She could be dead, right now.

She imagined the team coming to process the scene. Would he come to the funeral? Would he care?

She was shaking, her body shuddering as she tried to catch her breath. Did she have a death wish? Everything about the last few weeks suggested that. She went after a crazed psychotic who had been stalking her only six weeks ago. She went looking for him. Then after Grissom left, everything spiraled out of control. Despite his obvious removal of all of the alcohol from her home, she had simply went to an off-license and stocked up again. She kept her prescription sleeping pills renewed, and simply didn't feel hungry enough to eat too often.

Nobody had seemed to notice, and she wasn't sure if she was glad of that fact, or she resented it. Deep down, even though she wouldn't admit it, she knew she had hoped someone might get worried, contact Grissom, an he would come back because he was 'concerned', as he had said before.

She had given up on Grissom coming back now. It had been six weeks since he left her, passed out from her tears, and she had not heard from him, not a call, not a text. She didn't know where he was or what he was doing.

She opened her eyes at the sound of a car horn. She had never even heard it pull up beside her.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, her voice portraying the shock she felt as she stepped towards the silver Vauxhall.

"So nice to see you too, Sara." His easy voice shot back, and despite herself, her lips curved into a smile.

"I would have thought you'd be glad to see me, especially after that close call there."

_Crap._

"You uh, seen that? I just, zoned out, wasn't watching where I was going. Easy to do." She said, trying to sound convincing.

"Come on, hop in."

She sighed and nodded, to tired and sore to protest. She didn't think she could survive the jog back to her house.

She slumped down beside him in the car, pressing her head back against the headrest. "I'm sorry about last night..." She trailed off, not sure where to go with it.

Doug shook his head, and he gave her a small, reassuring smile. "How about we go home, you shower, I'll cook, and then we talk? I want to know what's going on with you, Sar."

She couldn't help but smile softly at his use of his pet name for her. "Let's go then." She nodded, turning her head to look out of the window.

She knew she couldn't avoid this anymore. It was time to talk.

_**xxx**_

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay with this chapter guys! Already half way through the next! Things have to get worse before they get better, remember? I'd love to know what you all think! Leave a review :)


	5. Chapter 5

_**xxx**_

After a quick shower, and a hasty meal of Doug's specialty (Sara maintained it was the only thing he could cook, and cook well), an omelet, they sat in her living room on the sofa. Sara sat at one end, with her legs pulled up beneath her, her body turned to the side facing Doug, who had turned his body so he was looking at her.

"So, where do you want to start?" Sara asked as she brushed her drying hair back behind her ear.

Doug looked at her, he rubbed his chin softly, feeling the stubble that he had become accustomed to lately. "How about telling me what's going on Sara? How I found you last night, is not who you are."

"Who am I then, Doug?" She snapped, and he knew this was going to be a long, sensitive subject. Sara didn't do well with talking about things, but he had always been able to find a way to get her to open up to him.

She took a deep breath, and apologised. She knew he was only trying to help her. "I'm sorry. I'm just... There has been a lot going on." She paused for a moment. "What did the guys tell you?"

"What makes you think it was them who called me?" He asked with a small smile. The surprised look on her face showed him she had no idea who else would have gotten in contact with him. "Well, I suppose it was because of how worried Nick and Greg were, that Finn called me and asked me to check in with you."

She should have known. Of course Finn called him. The motive behind why she did made her think for a moment that Finn had more than talking in mind. That was not where this was going. "So, you hopped on a plane and flew across America to me?" It was more than Grissom could do.

"Well, actually, I had some time saved up that I needed to take off before they physically remove me. And, as it turns out, NTSB are doing some consulting work in WLVU, in a few weeks, as part of a course they are teaching to the post-grads, and I've offered my services to them."

"You'll be here for a few weeks?" Sara asked, a little stunned.

Doug smiled. "Try sound a little more enthusiastic. Yeah, I'll be here. I'm renting an apartment near the Campus while I'm here. So, let's get back to the topic at hand. What's going on Sara?" He knew the bare minimum. He knew about what happened with that Basderic guy, and he also knew that her and Grissom were no longer together.

"I'm guessing Finn filled you in on Basderic." Doug nodded. "And Grissom?"

"Just the bare minimum."

She sighed. Of course she had only told him the bare minimum. That was all they knew. She hadn't talked to anyone on the team about what had happened, only that they were separated and she was fine.

"I should have known it was coming." Sara sighed as she looked down at her hands, her fingers entwined. "The last few months everything has been different. We weren't talking, the weekly trips became monthly, if we were lucky. There was no more video chats. We were distant. When we were together, we didn't do much talking. I knew it was on his mind, but I was running from it. He would call, and I would send him to voicemail. I started avoiding him, because I knew what was coming. I didn't want to face the reality, that I was losing the only man I had ever loved."

Doug didn't make a comment there. He and Sara had worked together on a case, for a few months, it was a lengthy investigation, and he had spent a lot of time in San Francisco after that, but, after she met Grissom, he knew they would go nowhere, no matter how much he may have wanted it to. He knew she was in love, and it wasn't with him.

"You know, I honestly thought we could survive anything. I mean, we've been through so much already. What happened in San Francisco, me coming to Vegas, dancing around each other for years. He dated others, I dated others. He pushed me away, to afraid to get involved. I was about to give up, then Adam Trent happened, and everything changed. When Nick was kidnapped, everything changed again, for the better. Then we had Natalie, I left Vegas, I came back, I left again. I thought we were finished then, but he left Vegas. He left here for me, to follow me through the jungle in Costa Rica. We got married, we started trying to get a research grant, we moved to Paris where he could teach, and I came back to Vegas, while he kept working on the projects, trying to get our names out there for this grant."

"After knowing him for almost twenty years, he still surprises me, and I get that feeling that maybe I don't know him as well as I might have liked to think I did."

"Why do you think he did it?" Doug asked gently, noting how she rubbed the her ring finger, which was now missing the ring.

"I don't know why Grissom does anything anymore." she sighed. "The worst thing is... I know he still loves me. I know that stubborn old man still loves me, yet he does this. It could be anything, he is doubting things again, he has worries and insecurities. one thing I know, If I know that man at all though, is that he feels this is in my best interest. I can't get through to him. Ever since he left here, we haven't spoken at all. I tried phoning him. Chalk it up to a moment of weakness. I just wanted to hear his voice again. He didn't answer, and hasn't made a move to get in contact again."

"I keep hoping if I give him some time, he will come around, he will realise what he's doing. But... It's been six weeks. As hopeful as I want to be, part of me knows that this is it, it's over. For good." A single tear slid down her cheek, she made no move to wipe it away, and Doug didn't either.

"How have you been?" He asked, leading her down the road she had been trying to avoid. She was ashamed of what she had become over the last six weeks, how she had lost control of her own life, how she seemed to be bending and breaking. That was never her. She was always able to keep it together, and come out stronger on the other side. She was always able to keep it together.

"I... I don't know who I am anymore, Doug. I don't like who I've become. But... I don't know how to be myself. Because, for almost twenty years, that is almost half of my life, I have loved him. I have been with him. We might not have been a couple, but even in those years that we weren't, we were still friends, and co-workers, I still seen him. The last few years, minus these months, since he found me in Costa Rica, have been the best of my life. I felt that becoming Sara Grissom, made me a new person, I had overcome all of that shit I dealt with as a Sidle, and here I was on the other end of it, stronger and happier with the man I loved." She paused and dragged her eyes up to meet his.

"Now, that's been taken away. I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel broken, Doug. Broken and tired, and I don't have the strength to keep it together all the time"

"What about the drinking?" Doug asked softly.

"It helps me forget. I don't have to be in the constant state of pain I find myself in, locked in a vault of my own thoughts and self-loathing and despair. I'm assuming Finn has filled you in on the drinking, and the pills?" She said, looking back down to her hands.

"Yeah, she might have mentioned it. She's worried about you, Sar. Everyone is."

Sara nodded, and she rubbed her hands up over her arms, shrugging her shoulders softly. "I can't sleep without them, Doug. I've tried, trust me, I have. But... Everything just... Came crashing down around me at once. My marriage was over, my job was on the line, my friends were doubting me. I couldn't sleep, no matter what I did. I spent all night up, pacing, then thinking. My thoughts are not something I want to be left alone with."

He felt his heart breaking for his friend. She had truly been through so much. He had never met someone as strong as she was. The worst thing was, was that she seen this as weak. This took much more strength and courage to admit, than it did to keep it all locked up inside of her, trying to deal with it on her own.

He had always had this type of relationship with Sara, they were very alike, and Doug had his own dark past that he had only confided in Sara about. He hadn't even told Candy. Only Sara knew. He hated that she had spent the last six weeks going through all of this alone.

"It's not healthy Sara, and I know I don't have to point that out to you. You've lost so much weight, so I'm assuming as well as self-medicating, you haven't been eating either. You're spending all your free time in bars, instead of coming home, so then when you do eventually come back, you just sleep?" He was good at guessing.

Sara nodded heaving a sigh again. "Yeah... Whenever I'm here... It just reminds me too much of him, even though he hadn't been here much. And Ronald... Ronald had been in here too. While I was out, while I was sleeping, he was here. I just can't get rid of that feeling of being watched in my own home."

She really had been through the mill. "Look, Sara. It's going to take some time. But, I'm here... You have me. I won't let anything happen to you, and I'll protect you, even from yourself. No more drinking, no more pills, you're going to start to eat properly. The way you were going, you were seriously close to messing up and losing your job. Or worse, being a job for your team to investigate."

Those words seemed to strike a chord with Sara. He was right. What had she been doing? She wasn't thinking, that's what the problem was. She was trying not to think about everything, so she did everything she could to stop herself thinking.

Suddenly she was overwhelmed with emotions. Everything had gone so wrong in the last few months. She had never anticipated this when she stood at the altar in the small chapel in the middle of the jungle in Costa Rica and said yes to being his wife. Never had she seen her life taking this turn. She had finally thought she had her happy ending, that she had broken the cycle that had claimed the other Sidles.

Doug was right. She was setting herself up for an even bigger fall. She had lost Grissom, yes, but did that mean everything else had to fall apart? No. She was putting her job on the line, and her friendship with those who had been her family for the last thirteen years. She didn't have to lose all of that too. Her relationship with Grissom didn't define who she was.

So, why had she let happen? she had let everything spiral out of her own control, she couldn't even grasp her own life in her hands anymore.

"What have I done?" She whispered, and before she knew it, the tears that had been building since she first sat down with Doug were cascading down her cheeks. She hated the person she had become, that was not who she was, and she wouldn't allow herself to be. She had spent her entire life trying not to be like her family, and that was who she was becoming. She didn't like it. She thought of her mother now, and she sobbed even harder at the thought that she might have become like that, that was where she was heading.

Doug was quick to move to her side, pulling her into a tight embrace. She curled into him, her head buried in his chest, finding comfort in the strength of his arms around her, providing her a safe place in her own home to cry, to really let out her emotions. She had not felt safe in her own house in a really long time. It was a nice change.

She didn't know how long they had just sat there, but even after her tears, she was more than happy to just sit there, in her own little safe haven, and just try and collect her thoughts. She slowly pulled back and looked up to Doug, her eyes blurry and puffed. "Thank you."

He shook his head and smiled, letting go of her. "You don't need to thank me, Sara. It's what friends are for." He paused for a moment. "And, you know, I still feel bad about how things ended with us, so... I just want to make up for things. You've always been special to me, even as a friend." If she was being honest with him, she deserved the same in return from him.

Sara gave him a watery smile. "You shouldn't feel bad, Doug. It was a long time ago, and we both had a part to play in what happened." She said honestly, before stifling a yawn.

"You need to go to sleep. Proper sleep." Doug said as he stood, holding his hand out to her.

Again, she didn't fight him. She took his hand and allowed herself to be pulled to her feet. "I'm going to stay here, if you don't mind, make sure you sleep. And, I have some ideas to do afterwards."

"Hmm, I'm not sure I like the sound of that. Your plans never were the best." She teased lightly, before another yawn came her way. Obviously that run and her talk with Doug tired her out. Not that she needed much to tire her out these days. Everything seemed to put a strain on her.

It was time for that to change. She couldn't put herself through this much longer. "Make yourself at home, Doug. If you want to sleep, the guest bedroom is down the hall on the left. You can watch what you want, eat what you want." she said as she walked towards the hallway.

"Sleep well, Sara. I'll be here if you need me."

Sara turned to look at him in the hallway. "Thank you Doug, for everything." She said with a small smile before she disappeared into her bedroom, leaving the bedroom slightly ajar.

Doug sat back on the sofa, and ran his hands through his hair, his head resting against the back of the sofa. The truth was, she was still very special to him. Although he had never admitted it, he felt that was why things went wrong with Candy. They should have never happened in the first place. He groaned as he ran his hands over his face again, rubbing his eyes.

He knew nothing would happen, he wasn't here because of that, he wasn't trying to manipulate Sara into anything. He was here because she was his friend, and he wanted to help her through this. That was the only thing that mattered to him right now.

_**xxx**_

**A/N: **Hope you guys like this, feeling a bit iffy on this chapter, so I would greatly appreciate any feedback! Thank you so much to all who ahve reviewed/followed/favourited this so far. You guys rock.

Next chapter is a look back to Sara and Doug in Frisco, and Doug setting his plan in motion to help Sara get over Grissom. Romantic or not? Let's see!

Leave a review! x


	6. Chapter 6

_**xxx**_

"So, what exactly happened with Sara and this Basderic guy?" Doug asked in a hushed voice as he leaned back against the counter in Sara's kitchen.

Nick and Greg stood before him, both sharing the same worried look. "What did she tell you?" Nick asked quickly.

"You know Sara as well as I do, she told me what she thinks I needed to know, not what actually happened."

The three men all shared a small smile, knowing just what Sara was like. She was incredibly strong and proud, to the point where it was almost a weakness for her.

"Basderic was from a previous case, he stalked a waitress, Edie, from the diner we all go to, for months. Sara tried her best to get Edie help, to get a restraining order against him, but nothing stopped Basderic." Greg began.

Nick nodded, quick to follow. "When Edie was killed in a shootout in the diner, because Basderic made her too afraid to leave the diner when she was finished work, he was a suspect, and Sara was determined to get him, but it wasn't him, as it turned out. Sara blamed him, and told him as much, that it was his fault Edie was dead."

"Basderic started to stalk Sara then, followed her around, took photos of her, changed her sleeping pills for a stronger dose. He played her. He knew what Sara was like when it comes to cases. She stood up to him, and he didn't like it."

Doug sighed slightly, feeling his stomach start to coil with anger. No wonder Sara had a thing for this guy.

"He took the pictures, of her and Taylor?" Doug asked.

Nick nodded. "Yeah, she told you about them?" When Doug nodded, Nick continued. "Well, he organised for Taylor to meet Sara at the hotel, he knew she would be there, he hacked her emails, he knew she had plans with Grissom there for her birthday. So, he paid Taylor off, and then killed him later, trying to get Sara framed for that."

"He went after her mother," Greg continued, a little unsure of what this guy knew about Sara's past.

"I know, about her mother and her father." Doug supplied, smiling ever so slightly at the shocked look on Greg's face.

"Well," Greg moved on, "Basderic stabbed Taylor the same number of times Sara's mother stabbed her Father, and then told her Mother that it was Sara who killed him. Sara went after him. This time, she played him, she got a confession from him about the murder and the stalking, and he's currently in prison awaiting trial."

Doug would have loved to have spent even ten minutes alone in a cell with Ronald Basderic, just to show him a little of what he had done to Sara.

"Man, Sara went through all of that, as well as everything with Grissom?" He said, rubbing his chin, before folding his arms across his chest. "How has she been in work, lately?"

"We've all been looking out for her. But there is only so much we can do, when she won't help herself. Russell is trying to cover for her, but people are starting to notice, she's late, unfocused, some days you can smell the alcohol from her, despite how she tries to cover it, and we know she hasn't been eating or sleeping."

"Why did you let her away with it?" Doug asked, wondering how they could let their friend carry on like that.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Greg snapped, quick to the defensive. "We tried, but there is only so much we can do. She pulled away from us, wouldn't talk, wouldn't answer the door when we came over. Apart from knocking the door down, tying her down and forcing some food down her throat, there was nothing else we could do. she asked for some space, to get to grips with everything, so we gave her that much."

Doug put his hands up, shaking his head. "I didn't mean any offence, I just wondered how she had gotten this far with no intervention."

"Doug..." A sleepy voice came from the doorway. "I know you want to protect me, but attacking my friends is not the way to do that. They're right. I shut down again, I didn't let them in. I didn't want to let them in, to let them see what I mess I had become. They were doing what I asked them to do, and they kept an eye on me, and covered for me. They were doing what I asked them to do."

Sara stood against the wall, behind Nick and Greg. None of them had heard her approach. "Sorry, did I interrupt your little 'Save Sara Sidle meeting'?" She said, with a small smile. She was too tired to be angry at them for talking about her behind her back, and anyway, she knew they were doing it because they were worried about her.

_"I'm not worried. I'm concerned." _

She shivered at the memory, feeling a pang of pain shoot through her chest, but she just smiled again to cover it up. As she always did.

"Hey, Sara, how're you doing?" Nick asked as moved to the side and let her slip in between him and Greg.

"I'm fine." She said, and when three knowing pairs of eyes stared back at her, not believing her, she shook her head. "No, really. I feel better after finally sleeping for a little bit, with no help from... Anything else."

Greg touched her shoulder and she smiled softly, as she moved to the counter and turned the coffee machine on. It was one thing her and Grissom had indulged in, an expensive coffee machine, seeing as they both could not seem to function without it. "Can I get anybody else, anything?"

"No, we've got to get going, shift starts in a few minutes." Nick supplied.

"Yeah, we just wanted to stop by and see how you were." Greg said with a small smile, and his eyes flickered to Doug momentarily.

Sara turned back to look at them, and she nodded. She didn't feel right, being here and not getting ready to go into work right now. Although she had been unfocused, as they had put it, she still needed work to keep her mind busy.

"You look after yourself, we'll stop by again soon, before you come back to work. Orders from Russell, you're not to step foot in the lab before you're due back."

Sara gave a small smile and nodded. "Thanks guys. Go catch some bad guys."

Greg turned and walked out of the kitchen, making his way outside to the car, Nick lingered for a moment, "Doug, can I ah, talk to you for a moment?"

Sara and Doug exchanged a look, and Sara looked to Nick, who smiled softly. Sara only nodded and turned away, returning to her coffee. They obviously had something to talk about. Her look had been warning enough, she hoped.

Doug followed Nick out to the front door, and Nick turned to look at him. "Look, Doug, I appreciate you helping Sara, she does seem a lot better today, better than I've seen her in a long time. But, just remember, she's vulnerable, she's going through a lot. Now, that girl is like a sister to me, I don't want you to hurt her." His southern drawl filled Doug's ears.

"And how do you think I'll hurt her?" He asked, smiling ever so slightly.

"I know about you and Sara, what happened between you both in San Francisco. Now, I appreciate you coming out here to help her, but you better be doing that as her friend, with no other intentions, when this woman is already alone, hurting, and missing someone."

Doug scoffed slightly, his eyes darkening just a little bit. "With all due respect, I've known Sara a lot longer than you have, and what happened between us is dead and buried. I am here to support a friend, to help her when she is having a rough time, that is all that matters to me, making my friend better."

There was a moment of silence between the pair as the stood, staring at the other, sizing the other up.

Nick spoke first, a smile on his lips. "I'm sorry, man, I just... Don't want anything else to happen to her."

Doug shook his head, "No, I understand. I am glad Sara has friends like you and Greg to look out for her."

"I am too. Your company seems good for her. Let's hope it helps her out." Nick said as he turned and opened the door to step outside.

Doug stepped forward, after him. "Nick, wait," Nick turned to look at him. "Has anyone spoken to or heard from Grissom?"

Nick sighed, shaking his head. "No, I've tried to phone him, as has Greg, Brass and Doc Robbins. Brass got a message from him a few days after the Basderic case, and just simply asked him to keep an eye on Sara, and make sure she looked after herself. We never told her, thinking it was best she didn't know. We tried to call him back on that number, but the phone has been switched off."

Doug sighed and nodded, "Alright, thanks Nick. I'll let you know how things are going."

Nick offered his thanks, and Doug stepped back inside, closing the door and turning back into the house.

Sara was sitting on the sofa the had both occupied only a few hours earlier, nursing a cup of coffee in her hands. "Ah, you're still alive. I was wondering if there would be a crime scene here in my house to have to process." She said with a small smile. She was still wearing the sweats and tank top she had slipped into before she went to sleep.

Doug sank down beside her, chuckling. "No, no need for that now. We were just talking." He said as he looked over to her, smiling. "Anyway, I could take the cowboy."

Sara laughed softly, as she sipped her coffee, taking some comfort in the warmth of the liquid sliding down her throat.

"So, are you really fine?" He asked her gently. "Honestly, Sara. I need you to be honest with me, it's the only way this will get better."

Sara sighed, and she nodded. "I don't feel as tired. I feel more rested... But I still feel tired, if that makes sense? I just feel emotionally and physically drained. I was heading to burn out again, I see that now. I was teetering on the edge of the ravine, and I do not want to have to climb back up again." She didn't mention how she felt she was already clambering to remain on the top, that this break up had almost sent her over the edge.

He smiled softly, and gently squeezed her knee in support. "That's a start, Sara. You'll get there. You need some time to get back to where you were. And, you will get there. I promise you."

They shared a small smile, and Sara felt, for the first time in a long time, that there was a tiny bit of hope for here, that there was a chance she could get through this.

"Come on, drink up, Sidle. We have some work to do." He said as he stood up.

Sara quirked an eyebrow. "What are we going to do?" She asked, unsure of what he had in store for her.

"We're going to get your life back." He said with a small smile.

_**xxx**_

"Dr. Grissom, do you understand what I'm saying to you?"

Grissom's eyes slid up to look at the dark brown eyes that worryingly searched his for an answer. He nodded blindly. He was not shocked, he had expected this prognosis. "Yes, yes, I heard you."

There was a moment of silence as he let this sink in. His palms were sweaty, and he felt dizzy. Even though he expected it, having it confirmed was another story.

"Is there anyone I can call for you? A wife, children? Family or friends?" His doctors soft voice reached his ears, rousing him from his own thoughts once more.

One name flickered through his mind, but he would never tell her. She would never know. Not until it was too late, anyway.

"No," His voice came out choked, "No, there is nobody... I have nobody." His tone had dropped to a whisper now, even though his fingers still found the gold ring he wore on a chain around his neck. He squeezed it tight, as if seeking some imaginary form of comfort from the metal.

There was another moment of silence, as his doctor gazed upon him with pity.

Grissom looked up to her once more, his eyes locked with hers. He cleared his throat and swallowed hard against the lump rising there. "What are my options? How long do I have?"

_**xxx**_

**A/N: **I cannot thank my good friend MonstersInside for her encouragement on this chapter. Thank her for the update guys, because without her, I wouldn't be posting this right now. (Thank her by checking out her fics and reviewing them, they are perfect.)

So, a lot of you didn't expect to see Grissom again. Surprise! Welcome back, Gilbert. And Sara and Doug, what's going on there? Does Nick have a point to warn Doug away from Sara? We'll have to see in the next chapter.

Leave a review, let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

_**xxx**_

"Doug, I don't know if I can do this." Sara admitted hesitantly as they stood outside the closed door to the office in her home.

It wasn't exactly her office. It had been Grissom's, filled with his books, his texts, his journals, the walls lined with the specimens and oddities he had collected over the years, some which had been housed in his office, some in his townhouse. They all resided her, as many of them as he could possibly fit.

Some were new additions, bought as presents from Sara, or bought between the two of them for one of the could not leave it behind. Sara had always admired all of the trinkets and artifacts he had acquired over the years.

Those first few times she had visited his townhouse, she had found much enjoyment in inspecting as much as she could.

Now, the thought of seeing it all in here, and clearing it all out as Doug suggested was making the simple, natural task of breathing a labourous one.

Doug reached out and rubbed her shoulder softly. "Yes, you can Sara." He hadn't meant to do this so soon, but after hearing what he had from Nick and Greg, and another phonecall between himself and Finn, he knew this had to be done. Finn had come over twice, and had found her both times, curled up on the floor in the office, crying, or she had cried herself to sleep.

Grissom had let go of her, and it had been almost seven weeks at this stage since Grissom had been here, and then left. He had not called or texted, or answered the one call she had made to him. The only contact anyone had had with him was him telling them to watch out for Sara. That seemed like a man who had made up his mind.

And for all accounts, Gil Grissom seemed to be a very stubborn man. Who could turn Sara down, and leave her chasing him, year after year? Very few.

It was doing her no good to be dwelling on the past, she was only drowning in the pain. It was time to clear it all out, and give herself a little bit of space, to breath, to find herself again.

There was a lot for her to do. As she had told him, she has spent almost twenty years of her life loving this man. She had become defined by him, by their relationship. She was known in the lab as Mrs. Grissom, even though she did not take his name for that reason, she didn't want to let their relationship define her. She had always been an independent woman.

It was time for her to rediscover a life without Gilbert Grissom, to learn to be happy without him, to survive without him.

Sara's eyes locked with his, she took a deep breath, and he could see her shake ever so slightly as she reached for the handle and opened the door to the office.

The door creaked open, the sound bouncing off the walls and ringing in her ears.

She glanced around the room, taking in everything that was there. Her eyes settled on the most known Grissom treasure, Miss Piggy.

After the talk with Nick and Greg, their idea of an intervention, they had fetched the fetal pig and returned her to Sara, so she could lock it away in this office. It was their attempt to help her move on. They knew it would be hard enough to do that in the lab, the very place their relationship had blossomed and grown. They could only try to make it easier, by removing any direct link to him, and that was the only thing left.

"We throw nothing away." Sara stated, as she made her way over to one of the many bookcases that had lined the walls. It was a specific request from both of them, to have as many bookcases and shelving units in their home as possible, to house all of their collections. It went right along with the surprising need for lots of windows. Neither of them had spent a lot of time in the sunlight, living in the nighttime shadows of Vegas, the only light coming from the blinking lights of the strip, or the florescents of the lab.

It was a nice change to experience the sunlight, however infrequent that experience was.

It surprised her, in that moment, just how much effort they had put into searching for the perfect house for them both, when she had returned to Vegas. A lot of thought went into ensuring both of their needs were catered to, even though Grissom hardly had spent more than a combined total of one month in the house, in the three years that Sara had been back in Vegas.

Doug nodded, as he followed Sara into the office. "Of course not. I'll sort out a storage unit, we'll box everything up, and I'll move it all out there. I might ask Nick and Greg for some help. It can stay there, until you decide what exactly you want to do with it, or if he ever wants any of it back. At least you won't have to look at it all the time."

Sara nodded stiffly as she ran her hand across a few of the titles on the bookshelf. She could do this.

Sara started to make her way through the bookshelves, feeling much like a robot, emotionless as she sorted through the boxes.

_"I wish I was like you Grissom. I wish I didn't feel anything."_

Doug had left her alone for a little while, and returned with boxes, and he started to fill the boxes, depending on what piles she had sorted them into.

Some of the books were her own, or had become favourites due to Grissom. Some were his that could be useful to her for reference in cases, or for some of the research she had been working on. Those books she kept, along with some poetry books and entomology ones.

Anything else Doug packed away in the boxes, amazed that two people could have such a collection of books.

He watched then as Sara started to sort through her own books, and rearrange them as best as she could on the shelves, trying to space them out so they didn't look too empty. She mumbled a comment of having more books of hers in the garage, that had been stored away because of Grissom's books. He would get them for her some other time so she could fill them back out. It shocked him that she had even sacrificed this much for him, when he spent little or no time in the house, yet everything she did seemed to be in consideration of what he wanted.

"I know what you're thinking," She had stated. "I'm not crazy. It was just, comforting, it was what I had always known. His office at work was like this, his office in the townhouse was like this. It was nice to have this like what I had already known, it was like having a little bit of him with me while was here."

Doug had said nothing, only smiling softly as they had moved on. They worked mostly in silence, and after a few hours, they had the room cleared of everything that she did not see the vital need to keep. Even Miss Piggy was carefully bubble wrapped and packed away.

Sara stood in the middle of the room, dusty and sweaty as she looked around the room with her hands on her hips. It looked so empty. Her own breathing echoed in the room, it was a strange feeling, she felt the room now reflected exactly how she felt, and she shivered at the thought.

Doug reappeared, after slugging the last box out to the garage where he had stacked them for removal in the next day or two.

"How are you feeling, Sar?" He asked as he came to stand behind her.

She turned to look at him, and shrugged softly. "I'm not sure." She admitted. "i guess we'll find out soon enough."

"Is that everything? What about clothes and photos and all of that?" Doug asked.

Sara sighed, and brushed stray strands of hair behind her ear, a habit she had formed over the years. "He never really had many clothes here, they've already been boxed up, believe it or not." She paused for a moment. "And the pictures, I put them in a box in the garage." She had gotten too distressed at seeing them every day, a constant reminder of what she had lost, of the life she would never experience again.

Doug nodded and smiled. "You did good Sara." He said as she made a move to move past him and out of the room. Even though it was emptier than before, she felt as if the walls were closing in on her.

"What about your ring?" He asked her as she walked past him, and she twirled to look at him. Her eyes met his and he was silent for a moment.

Her hand went to her neck, and she gently fingered the warm gold band that hung on the chain, just long enough to lie over her heart. It was a constant reminder for her. She shook her head immediately. "No. I'm not ready for that yet." She said, and Doug said nothing, only smiled gently.

He wouldn't push her into anything. "Whenever you're ready, Sara."

Sara gave him a thankful smile and she turned and made her way out of the office, and Doug followed, closing the door behind them.

"I'm going to have a quick shower, and then get changed." Sara called as she looked over her shoulder to him.

"That's perfect. I'm going to make a trip over to my apartment, shower and change there, and then I'll come back here, we'll go out for something to eat, okay?"

Sara didn't argue. She knew what he was doing. He wanted to get her out of the house, and strangely, she welcomed that idea. "That's great. I'll see you soon, Doug."

She followed him out of the house, to close the door, lock it and set the alarm after him. The alarm was a constant thing in her life now. She tried not to notice the PD cars she had seen make a trip out this way, knowing it was under the instruction of Brass. In fact, it made her feel a little better.

She made her way back to her room, closing the bedroom door behind her, despite already being alone.

She opened the top drawer in her dresser, and sighed, as she pulled out the little bundle she had carefully wrapped up, and hidden beneath her pajamas. The blue shirt he had always left for her, after wearing it while he was here, was folded up, wrapped around two photographs, neither she could bare to part with. One was snapped in Costa Rica, on the day they were married, with the sun setting, their fingers were entwined, and the laughter that was obviously falling from their lips in that moment, you could almost hear it. It was the happiest day of her life, the day she had become Sara Grissom.

The second photo had been taken before Natalie, when they were in the early stages of their relationship. It was just after they had Hank, and on a rare day they both had off from work, they had taken him to a park, far out from Vegas. They ate a picnic and watched as Hank ran in and out of the lake, watching him swim through the cooling water. Sara had taken her camera, and had been taking photos, and as she had set it on timer to snap one of her and Grissom so she could remember the day, Hank had decided to return to them.

He bounded over, dripping wet, and started to shake himself dry, spraying water over them both. While the captured look on Sara's face was one of amusement, Grissom's was one of total shock and bewilderment. It was a priceless moment, and she smiled fondly now as he fingers stroked over the outlines of the photo.

Her heart ached as she remembered those times. Hank had to be put down less than a year ago, cancer being the cause of his death. He had become so weak and was in constant pain, despite how much she wanted to keep him alive, to keep him with her, she knew he would be better off out of the misery, out of the constant pain. They made the decision together, and had held each other and wept together after. Hank had been the closest thing to a child her and Grissom had ever had, and losing him was tough on both of them. Now, she had lost them both.

She wouldn't tell Doug about these. This was for herself, nobody else to know. She wrapped them back up, wiped away her hot tears, and placed them back in the dresser.

She needed more time than this. She had loved the man for near twenty years, how many times did she need to say it? Not only that, he was the only person she had ever loved, he was the reason she had fought for her life in that desert. He was the reason she had fought to survive. Without him she would have given up, she would have succumbed to the rising waters, and drowned before the team even had an idea where she was. He gave her something to fight for, a reason to live, a reason to be alive.

She needed more time than two months to come to terms with what had happened. She couldn't just flip a switch and forget about him, and move on. She needed time, and she would do this in her own time.

She turned the water to hot on the shower, and let her clothes fall to the floor. She padded to her ipod and speakers, and switched on the song she had on constant repeat over the last few weeks. Slow it Down by The Lumineers. She didn't know why, but she couldn't stop listening to it, no matter how she tried, she always went back to it.

She slipped into the shower, and let the hot water pour over her emotionally bruised and battered body. Despite her best efforts, more tears started to fall, and mix with the hot water. She just stood for minutes, crying under the hot spray, trying to relieve some of the pressure she had felt building on her chest.

It was easier to do it this way. She could let everyone think she was okay, they would stop looking out for her so much, being so cautious around her, and things would go back to normal.

She was a pro at keeping things to herself, and she knew this would just be another example of that.

Only in times like this would she ever allow her true feelings to show. She would let those walls down, for just a few minutes, in the confines of her shower, where she could cry with no interruption, with no look or worry from anyone else.

Even with all of her friends rallying around her, she had never truly felt so alone.

_**xxx**_

**A/N: **Hope you enjoyed this, i was a little iffy with this chapter, but after some lovely words of encouragement from monstersinside, I settled with it. Hope you're enjoying so far, and I would love to read a review, it really makes me smile :)


	8. Chapter 8

_**xxx**_

"Why do I always let you pick where we eat?" Doug groaned as he eyed the menu in his hands.

Sara smirked as she met his eyes, not even needing to look at the menu, she knew what she was ordering. She had discovered this place during her first week in Vegas. A quaint little vegetarian restaurant called the Red Velvet Cafe, with a nice decor, friendly atmosphere, delicious food, and they delivered. it was one of the many menus she had resorted to when she was home alone, too tired to actually cook anything for herself.

it was amazing how quickly she had reverted back to her old lifestyle, the one she had tried so hard to dispel, and make a new life for herself. It had been easy to construct that new one with Grissom, but without him, it was also easy to fall back into old habits.

In the last three years she had slipped back into the lifestyle of 'Old Sara', ordering take out, pulling triple shifts almost every week, maxing out on overtime each month, especially in the last year. She had dug out her old police scanner that had been discarded when she had finally moved in with Grissom all of those years ago. It was a permanent fixture on her living room table now.

"Because, you know I have great taste in food." She shot back easily.

"Well, maybe you used to, but not since you've become a vegetarian." He said as he raised his eyes from the menu to meet hers. He was glad he was getting her out of the house for a while, away from the painful reminders that lurked everywhere she looked, waiting for their moment to pounce and attack.

"I'll have you know I found this place before I turned vegetarian." She defended herself, leaning forward to eye his menu upside down. "Here," She pointed to one of the dishes halfway down the page. "Try the chilli mint chicken. It is divine."

Doug smirked and just then the waitress returned and they placed their orders. Doug went with Sara's suggestion and Sara ordered her usual, vegetarian thai green curry, with tofu as the substitute.

"You know, this actually reminds me of the first time we met." Doug said as he sipped on his drink.

Sara almost snorted with her own drink, fondly recalling the memory of how they first met. "I thought you said we weren't allowed to talk about that anymore." Sara teased.

"Well, I think seeing as it is just the both of us here, we can talk about it." Doug replied. "Anyway, can you blame me that I don't want anyone else to know about what happened?"

Sara couldn't help but laugh once again. "Well, no, I can't really blame you for not wanting that to get out. I can't imagine that it would have given you the best reputation with the NTSB crew. Especially Rodger and Will." She paused for a moment to look up to him. "I'm surprised you still remember that."

Doug grinned, and shook his head. "Honestly, I don't think anyone could forget their first meeting with Sara Sidle."

_**xxx**_

_"Why on earth did you decide you want to do this, Sara?" Becky, her closest friend in San Francisco asked. _

_Sara couldn't help but smirk as she changed out of her jeans into her grey sweatpants. "Come on, it'll be fun. Anyway, in our line of work, Becky, isn't it a good thing to have a bit of self-defense training? You know how the guys look at us when we're out at a scene? Don't you get sick of the cops hovering over you, breathing down your neck while you process? I mean, I know I can look after myself, I know how to use my gun, but every little helps." She said as she turned to look at her friend in the changing room of San Francisco PD. _

_Becky shrugged as she watched Sara pull her hair into a ponytail, loose strands of hair falling out, framing her face. "I think they would stand over us anyway, Sara, we're only level ones."_

_Sara sorted, shaking her head. "Speak for yourself, I won't be a level one much longer." _

_She pushed up the sleeves of her t-shirt, and grinned. "Let's go kick some ass." _

_More so than anyone else, Sara had wanted to take this class offered by the PD for women in Law Enforcement. She wanted to be able to take care of herself, without needing to rely on anyone else for help. After her childhood, and Clarke, her much too recent ex boyfriend, she was going to be completely independent._

_Becky grudgingly followed her, not really wanting to do this, she had never been the most sporty, but she followed her friend, knowing she had a point. Self defense would be a good thing to have, but she hoped she would never have to use it. _

_"Who have they brought in to be the trainer?" Sara asked, knowing it was Becky who had registered them for the training course, after Sara had been busy pulling a triple. "One of the PD guys, he's just been promoted, and he was asked to do this."_

_Sara nodded as she made her way into the conference room, which was used as a makeshift practice room today. There were about twelve other women there, Sara knew most of them by name, but they were PD, not CSI, so they didn't mix much. She offered them all a small nod and a smile, as they all chatted among themselves._

_The door opened, and like a whirl wind, a strong, dark haired, tall man, glided into the room, letting it shut behind him. "Okay, ladies, my name is Doug Wilson, unfortunately, Cam can't do today's lesson, and seeing as we are good friends, and I just happened to be in town, he asked me to take today's class for him. We trained together, so I know my stuff just as well as he does." _

_He turned to look at all of the girls who had formed two lines before him, one on front of the other. "Okay, well, let's get started, shall we? Can I have a volunteer, please?" He asked as he stepped into the centerof the mat after kicking off his shoes, leaving him in bare feet. _

_Sara and Becky shared a glance, and Sara couldn't help but laugh slightly at the worried look on Becky's face._

_"Is this amusing, Miss..." Doug interrupted._

_Becky nudged Sara, who hadn't been paying attention, but as she met the blue eyed smile of the man before her, she smiled back. "Sidle. Sara Sidle." _

_"Well, Miss Sara Sidle, how do you feel about being the first victim?" Doug asked, s he gestured to the open space on the floor._

_Sara smirked, confident as she slipped out from the back of the group, moving to stand on front of him, her hands on her hips. "Who says I'll be the victim?" She asked, her lips pursed in amusement. She was amazed at the bout of confidence she had, and the ease she felt with this man, the easy banter sliding back and forth. She could feel Becky's gaze on her, and she shrugged it off. _

_"Well, let's see, shall we?" He said as he took a step back from her, he raised his hands and beckoned her to come forward. Sara followed his example and toed off her trainers before she met him on the mat._

_"Okay, we're going to start with some of the most basic stuff." He said as looked to the other women, gesturing with his hands as he spoke. "When women are attacked, the most popular way they are attacked is from behind. Grabbed from behind, hit from behind, jumped from behind. They have the element of surprise, and a greater chance of overpowering straight away. It can happen at any time, on the job, on a night out, simply walking back to your car."_

_He turned as he looked to Sara, "Okay, Miss Sidle, how about you turn around. I'm going to act as the attacker, coming up and grabbing you from behind. I want to see how you try and get me off. I'll do it with each of you, and then we'll work on the best methods to break free." _

_Sara nodded, taking it all in. "Alright." She said as she turned around, her back to him, facing the other women, and she winked at Becky._

_After letting a few moments pass, Doug came up behind her, and in a split second, his arms were hooked under hers, pulling them up, effectively rendering her motionless. _

_"Let's see what you've got, Sidle." He whispered into her ear._

_Sara couldn't help but smirk as she tried to wriggle against him, his grip tightening. _

_"Come on, think about the hold I have you in. Your arms are pinned, but not your legs. That's what you use." He pointed out to her. _

_Sara took a moment, he didn't relax his grip. "What was that you said about not being the victim, Sidle?" He said into he said, trying to antagonise her into a response. _

_She smirked, and without missing a beat, she raised her right foot and stomped down on his, harder than she really should have for a demonstration. Doug groaned, instantly releasing the hold he had on her, but Sara hadn't finished. She elbowed him sharply in the side, and as he hunched over gripping his side, winded slightly, Sara whirled to face him, and in an instant her foot had connected with his right knee, and sent him instantly to the ground, groaning loudly as he clutched his knee._

_Everything had happened so fast, Sara hadn't really contemplated her actions, and just went with her actions, she had really gotten into it. Her eyes widened and she rushed forward, "Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that." She said as she crouched down beside him."Are you okay?"_

_"Just remind me... Never sneak up on you in the dark." She laughed slightly at his words, as she looked up to him. _

_"Well, now who's the victim?" She teased in response._

_"Okay, sorry ladies, I think we're going to have to call it quits for the day, I'll ensure Cam makes up for this, and knows not to use Miss Sidle here as a demonstration." He said through gritted teeth, trying to keep control of his pain. _

_Sara instinctively pulled up his trousers leg to look at his knee. She winced ever so slightly at the swelling that was obvious, as well as the unmistakable sign of the kneecap being displaced off to the side. _

_"I am so sorry. I think I dislocated the patella." She said as she looked up to him. _

_"How do you know that?" _

_"I worked in the coroners office for a while before I started as a CSI, I know what this injury looks like, it's common with motor vehicle accidents and sports injuries, although most of them are healed. Don't try to stand on it, we're going to get you to the hospital." _

_"I think you definitely owe me dinner after this." He smirked as he tried to sit up a little straighter._

_"Mmm, we'll see about that." She shot back, before she took out her cell phone to call an ambulance. _

_"Oh, kicking a man while he's down." _

_**xxx**_

"Can't you just imagine my surprise when you hopped onto our crime scene the next day?" Sara said, her eyes locked with his, shining brightly.

He laughed, shaking his head. "Imagine how I felt. I had to tell all the guys I had hurt it playing football. I;m forever grateful you never let on to them that it was actually inflicted by a woman."

"Hey," Sara started, "Unless you want me to do the same to the other knee, I would keep the sexist comments to yourself."

"Oh, trust me, I will never again do wrong by Sara Sidle, I've learnt my lesson." He laughed.

"Yeah," She paused, "I've heard that before." A silence settled over them for a moment, as she dropped her eyes to her hands folded on the table. She had heard it from Grissom before, that he had hurt her already, by ignoring his feelings for her for years, and he would never hurt her again. He had broken that promise.

She fought against the tears that ached to fall, blinking rapidly to dispel them. She refused to allow herself to cry. She was trying to show them she was okay, not that she would dissolve into tears with just a few words.

Thankfully, the waitress reappeared with their food right at that moment. Sara cleared her throat, smiled and looked up to Doug. Doug returned her smile, knowingly, but as a friend, said nothing about that little slip. She was doing great.

"Well, for tofu, yours looks pretty good." Doug commented, as he picked up his knife and fork, assaulted by the delicious smelling mint chicken. If smell alone was enough to go on, Sara was right, it was divine.

"Thank you." Sara gave him a grateful smile for the change in subject, and for not passing a comment. This was the closest to normal she had felt in weeks, and she had Doug to thank for that.

_**xxx**_

"So, what was so important you had to send me a message requesting I see you before assignments?" Sara asked as she walked into DB's office.

He had been in the middle of reading over a file, but as Sara came in, he set the file down and straightened up his glasses. He smiled softly as Sara slid into the chair opposite him, as she had done so many times before.

"Welcome back, Sara." He smiled, but from the look she gave him, he knew she wanted him to cut to the chase. "I just wanted to make sure you're alright, is that so wrong of me, Sara?"

Sara sighed, shifting uncomfortably on her seat. She felt like she was back in that moment when she told him about her and Grissom splitting up. She bit hard on the inside of her lip, distracting herself from the painful thought with a physical pain of sorts.

"I'm... Getting by." Sara admitted, knowing better than to try her usual line of "I'm fine" with Russell. It didn't wash with him anymore. "Honestly, I'm doing better than I was. I'm sleeping, with no help from alcohol or pills, although it's only for a few hours at a time, it's better, and I'm eating properly again."

"Good, good. That's progress." Russell nodded, feeling a little more comforted at that fact. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay... I don't know how else to put it to you, Russell. I'm not great, but I'm not like I was. I'm getting better." She was trying to be as honest with him as she possibly could. She had developed a close relationship with Russell, and she had a lot of respect for him. They had a lot of understanding for the other, being the only two who were married on the team. Not it was only Russell. She bit her lip a little harder again.

"Is this Doug guy helping?" Russell asked. There had been a lot of talk in the lab about him being with Sara, but Russell knew Sara was not that type of woman. Her relationship with the one man she loved more than anyone else had just ended, she wouldn't go jumping into bed with someone else, as so many others seemed to do.

"Yeah, he helps. I know you ah, you know we had history, but that is all it is, history. He met me at a bad time in my life before, so he knows what he's dealing with. And he can be tough when he needs to be." She had learnt that the hard way when she tried to tell him she wasn't hungry the other day.

DB chuckled. "Is that what you're saying, I'm too soft?" He smiled, glad to hear Sara's laugh once more. It was always a good sign, for nobody could fake such a genuine sound. "Just, know I'm always here, Sara, whenever you need to talk, about anything. My door is always open. And, I do make a great cup of hot chocolate."

Sara smiled, constantly amazed by the support she was getting from her friends over the past few weeks. Those times when Finn had found her in the office, Finn had been more amazing than Sara could describe. Despite how she had cried, and begged her to go, she did not leave her. And even more importantly to Sara, she didn't mention anything the next time she had seen her, or look at her like she was a broken, mental woman. She couldn't take people's pity.

"Okay, so as long as I have known you Russell, after me taking two weeks off, I know a message like that means there is something else you want to discuss other than my well being, and something I should brace myself for."

Russell grimaced slightly, nodding. "Sometimes I think I'm just an open book to you, Sara." He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose just below his glasses, in a fashion that reminded Sara too much of Grissom, especially in his old office. "Yeah, there is something else I wanted to talk to you about."

Sara nodded solemnly, taking a deep breath. "Well, spit it out."

"Basderic's trial."

_**xxx**_

**A/N: **A big thanks to my friend Lauren for her reassurance on this chapter, you guys can thank her for this update.

I would love to know what you thought of this, AND what you thought of Billy's recent interview? Do you believe he didn't know Grissom and Sara had even gotten married? I'd love to hear :)

Thanks for continuing to read! x


	9. Chapter 9

_**xxx**_

She didn't care about the promises she had made to him. It wasn't even a real promise, more like an unspoken want of his, for her. He didn't keep his promises to her. His vows. Vows made before a God he believed in. He had broken them, so in comparison to that, her drinking was nothing.

She had never promised him, but it was clear what he had wanted, when the last thing he did when he left the house was take all the alcohol he could find in the house, and remove it. Obviously, it hadn't stopped her then, but that night when Doug found her at the bar, she had stopped her drinking, she knew it was stupid of her, reckless even. She was sinking back to that place she had been years before, only this time, she felt like she might never return.

Right now, she didn't care. If he could break his promises, his promise to stay with her forever, 'till death do us part', she could drink what she wanted. Especially after the day she had.

She had never been so thankful for her shift to have ended. After the news about Basderic, she had felt like her world was closing in on her again. She appreciated the team's help, but they were smothering her. They hovered over her, asking if she was okay, watching over her shoulder, as if waiting for her to break, for the cracks to finally show, and for her to lose it altogether.

She would admit, she struggled more than usual to make it through that shift. Every minute that ticked by felt like an eternity. She left the lab the first chance she got, ignoring the invitations from the rest of the team to go to breakfast.

She didn't want to see anyone right now, she just wanted to be alone.

She made one stop on her way home, and that was to the liquor store, where she picked up some beer.

She couldn't shake the feeling that she was being watched, although she knew she was just being paranoid. Still, she couldn't help looking over her shoulder before she got into her car, and checking her mirrors at each turn. She did a quick walk around her house before she slipped inside, locking the door quickly and ensuring the alarm was on.

Just over an hour later, she had already polished off two beers, and had just cracked open her third, but she was not in her usual perch on the sofa. That was where she had started off, with one of her favorite poet's collections, Sylvia Plath. One certain line had struck her heart too closely, and she had tossed the book to the floor, before padding into her bedroom, only dressed in her robe.

She was sat on her bedroom floor, the top drawer of her chest of drawers opened. Everything she had wrapped up and stowed away was now spread out on the floor before her. She cradled the photo of her and Grissom on their wedding day on her lap, staring down at it, while her fingers rubbed over the almost burning metal of her wedding ring, and the other hand held her beer bottle.

She couldn't tell how long she had been sitting there, staring blankly at the photo before her. How could everything have changed, and changed so quickly from that time? She didn't understand it, she had no reason.

She had spent her whole life looking for reasons, it was why she had enjoyed science so much, she got to learn the reason for everything. She had always wanted reasons, reasons why her father would drink so much, and then abuse her, reasons why her mother killed her father, why she was in foster care. She found reasons in science. She later found out the reasons why her mother had done what she had done.

Being a CSI meant she could make her living, solving puzzles, looking for reasons why, and she almost always found a reason. When she met Grissom, and more importantly, shortly after when she had fallen in love with him, he had become her reason to live, her reason to get up in the morning, and to keep fighting.

Now, he was gone, and she didn't have a reason anymore. He didn't give her a reason. She was left in the dark, with no answer to the biggest question in her life. What happened to her marriage?

She took another swig from the bottle, before setting it down on the floor. She stood up, her legs shaking, she made her way to her bed, setting the photo of her and Grissom back on the bedside table, where it belonged.

She sighed as she sat on the bed, and cradled her head in her arms, pulling at her hair with trembling fingers, just trying to relieve some of the tension that was bubbling in her chest, bursting to get out.

After a few moments, she slid off the side of the bed, to the floor. There was something she had not looked at in a long time, yet she could not bring herself to part with it, neither of them could. He had his own copy. She rummaged under the bed for a small wooden box she kept there, her fingers tight, shaking.

She took a moment to compose herself, before she opened the lid of the box. She held her breath, the only sound being the creak of the hinges as she lifted the lid.

She first slid out a photo, feeling a lump burning in her throat, as if she had swallowed a hot coal. Tears formed in her eyes, and she blinked them away, furiously struggling. She had never really let herself deal with this, neither of them had. They did what they did best, they didn't talk about it, and moved on, each dealing with it in their own way.

She let her fingers run over the photo, almost pristine, as if nobody had touched it before. As she went to pull the folded piece of paper, the doorbell shook her out of her thoughts. She stood quickly, setting the box onto her bed, sliding the photo into the safe confines of it. She rubbed at her eyes, her heart hammering against her chest.

Who would be here at ten am? For her, working the night shift, it was like the middle of the night, she should be sleeping.

She pulled her gun out from the closet in the hallway, where she stowed it when she came home. She had no hesitation, not after what she had found out tonight.

She stepped quietly through the house, the cold tiles beneath her feet, her eyes trained on the windows, but she couldn't see anyone. She made it to the door, just as the doorbell went once more, followed by three sharp knocks.

She pushed herself up on her tip-toes, to look through the peep hole. She sighed with relief as she saw the familiar face, although she was not thrilled to see him here.

She pulled the safety back on her gun, and quickly unset the alarm, and unlocked the door.

"What do you want, Doug?" She asked tiredly, leaning against the doorframe.

"Well, hello to you too, Sara. Nice to see you are still as wonderfully cheerful in morning. At least that hasn't changed." He said with a small grin.

Sara shook her head, not in the mood for his charm and his humor right now. "I've worked the nightshift for about ten years of the last thirteen, Doug. It's night time for me."

"Well, you don't look like you were sleeping to me." Doug countered, as he came and stood in the porch, right before Sara, his eyes locked with hers.

"Well, I was just heading there, actually, so if you don't mind, I'd like to go and get some sleep." She wasn't in the mood to see anyone, all she wanted to do was be alone, have a good cry, and when she had finally worn herself out, drift off into what would no doubt be an uncomfortable sleep.

"You never could lie to me, Sara, that hasn't changed." Doug said firmly, his eyes still locked on hers. He knew there was something wrong. He hadn't seen her in a few days, he had been busy setting up in his apartment, preparing for the class he would be helping with in WLVU, and she had been preparing to go back to work.

He had originally intended not to come by until later, until before her next shift, but a phonecall from Finn had changed his mind, and he decided to swing by to see how she was.

When Sara's eyes dropped, breaking contact, he knew he had won, and with an irritated sigh, she stepped aside and let him in. Once he was inside, she closed the door, let the locks click into place and re-set the alarm.

Doug said nothing, as he watched her, gun still in hand, before he moved into the living room, her following behind him. The morning sunlight filtered in through the glass windows, basking the room in a pale golden glow.

Sara locked her gun back up, and turned to face him, watching as his eyes surveyed the less than tidy room, which was out of the ordinary for Sara, who was usually so neat and organised, it bordered on OCD.

His eyes fell to the book she had thrown to the ground, and he stooped to pick it up, smirking at the title in amusement. "What did Sylvia Plath ever do to you?"

Sara shrugged slightly, remembering all too well why she had thrown the book down, unable to read anymore, and reached for that second beer instead.

_'When you give someone you whole heart and he doesn't want it, you cannot take it back. It's gone forever.'_

She shivered at the memory of the quote, feeling her chest tighten around her heart, like a cruel vice, constricting her heart, and her ability to breathe pain-free.

"I've read it before." She shrugged. "Got tired, and was going to bed. I guess it slipped off the table." She knew it was a half-assed lie if ever there was one, and he would see right through it, but the sharp look she gave him was enough for him to not question anything she said.

Sara ran a taut hand through her hair, feeling her frustrations rise, she bit her lips slightly, before looking straight at Doug. "What are you really doing here?" She asked, not wanting to play his games tonight.

"I heard about Basderic." Doug admitted, as he sat on the sofa, placing the book closed over on her coffee table. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

Sara nodded, knowing that would have been the case. "Who phoned you?"

"Finn." He didn't want to get her mad at anyone, but he wasn't going to lie to her either.

"I really appreciate you all being concerned for me, and worried, and wanting to make sure I'm okay. But, I'm fine." She ignored the look he gave her at those words. "The only thing that is getting to me, is that fact that I can't breathe crooked without one of you asking me if I'm okay. I don't need the constant help. I can look after myself."

He rubbed his chin with his thumb and index finger as he watched her, arms folded across her chest, closed off to him. "Sara, I know you've been through a lot, and I've seen what you've done before. I just don't want you to go back down that path." He said gently to her. "I know you can look after yourself, Sara. I never doubted that for a moment."

Sara sighed, brushing the stray strands of hair behind her ear, to try and occupy her restless hands. "I know." She was being too harsh, taking her bad mood out on him, when all he was doing was trying to ensure she was okay. She should be thankful she had someone looking out for her. "It just, shocked me, that it could even go this way, that they would let him appeal the case. I can't believe anyone would actually listen to him, to his lies. But... Russell assures me there is no way he will be allowed out on bail, no matter how much he appeals the case."

She slowly made her way over to the sofa, sitting on the opposite end from Doug, pulling her legs up beneath her.

Doug turned to face her, and automatically reached out, his hand on her knee, and he gave it a small squeeze. "It will be hard for him to get his bail, with all the evidence against him, and if it comes to it, I'm sure there are many people who can speak out against him on the stand. If it ever did happen, you know we wouldn't let anything happen to you, Sara. We would keep you safe. Even though you can look after yourself, and are probably more than capable of going up against him, I wouldn't ever want to go against you, but we wouldn't let any harm come to you, Sara." He said, with another small squeeze of her knee.

Sara gave him a small smile, and nodded. "I know, Thank you." She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "I just... I won't let him ruin my life again. That is what he wants, I know that. And I won't let him have any control on me. I won't let him make me afraid again, not in my home, not in my place of work."

Doug gave her a small smile, and nodded. "That's the Sara I know." He didn't say anything else, knowing when to chose his battles with Sara. Sara rested her hand over his, and smiled slightly. "Thank you, for being here for me."

"All the time, Sara." He met her gaze, and paused for a moment. "Now, what else is going on?"

"What makes you think there is something else?" She asked, her eyes met his, but she struggled to hold his gaze, not wanting to give anything away, setting her jaw firmly.

"Come on, Sara, I know you. You can tell me anything, Sara. Anything." He insisted, not wanting to push her, but not wanting her to bottle things up, and then let it all build up until she could no longer hold it in.

Sara took a moment and nodded. "Okay." She breathed deeply, struggling to keep her breathing even. "Okay." She stood and turned to face him, taking his hand and pulling him up. she let go of his hand, and wandered into her bedroom, and he followed behind her, unsure as to what she was going to show him.

She stood by the side of the bed, her side, arms folded across her chest, her eyes trained on the objects on her bed. He looked from her, and then allowed his eyes to take in her bedroom, and he instantly seen the photo on the bedside table, the blue shirt on the floor that was easily two or three sizes too big for her. It was then he caught a glimpse of the gold chain around her neck, and although he couldn't see the ring, he knew it was there. "Sara..." He began gently, but as he spoke, he found it difficult to continue, not sure what exactly he wanted to say.

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't get rid of everything, I've loved him for so long, I can't just box everything up, lock it away and pretend it never happened. Pretend we never happened. I can't forget him. I don't think I ever will." She said honestly, keeping her eyes diverted from Doug, trained on the wooden box on her bed, staring blankly at it.

"Nobody expects you to, Sara. But, you've been doing so well, you've been dealing and moving on, but nobody expects you to forget him." He said, speaking from experience. He knew he could never forget Sara.

Sara nodded, not saying anything. she sat down on the bed, knowing his eyes were on the box now, wondering what was in it. She pulled the box onto her lap, and motioned for him to sit on the bed beside her. He moved to sit by her, and as she opened the box once more, creaking as the lid was lifted, he looked from her face, which was tight and constricted, obvious she was trying hard to control her emotions.

She slowly pulled out the photo she had looked at earlier, and passed it to Doug, not looking at him. She shuddered slightly at his sharp intake of breath as he looked at what he now knew to be an ultrasound photo.

"When?" He asked her gently.

"Almost four years ago. When we were in Paris." She said, her voice tight, her eyes on the box.

"What happened?" He asked her softly, raising his eyes from the photo to look at her face, noting the tears in her eyes that she fought hard against, not letting them fall.

"Nature." Sara shrugged. "We never planned it. We had both decided not to have children, we were happy with each other. But when we found out, we were thrilled. Of course, we were terrified too, neither of us were confident with our abilities to be a parent, to look after a child. Not after my childhood, and Gil... He felt he was too old to be a Dad. But as the weeks passed, we read all the books, we actually started to think we could do it. For once, we were stable, we had a nice home in Paris, Gil had a sociable job, with nice hours, he would be home in the evenings and have weekends and all holidays off. No nightshifts, no triples. We could still work on our research, we could still do everything we had dreamed. Only, we would be a proper family."

"I got to twenty one weeks, and I miscarried. The doctors don't know why, they said sometimes it just happens. We were heartbroken. But, we got through it. It was a struggle though. Gil blamed himself, he felt it was his fault, and I knew he started to doubt himself even more, he felt he didn't deserve to be a father. You've never met him, but he is incredibly concerned with everyone else in his life, and how his life might impact on theirs. I know he was terrified he was getting older, and he didn't want to leave me a widow, with a child, or having to look after him." She said quietly, taking a deep breath to calm herself. She hadn't told anybody about this, it was only her and Gil that knew. Another well kept secret between the pair.

Doug felt his heart breaking for his best friend all over again, and he found her hand, squeezing it softly. "What were you having?" He asked, his voice quiet, struggling to contain his own emotions, to know that his friend had been through so much.

"A boy. You should have seen his eyes when we found out what we were having. He insisted on having every scan that was available, all the tests, the 3D scans. We both wanted to know what was coming, especially with the risks of pregnancy in an older woman. But during that scan at fourteen weeks, when we were told it was a boy. He was so excited. Once we got home he started looking at boys names. We had decided on Joshua Warrick Grissom. Catherine was going to be the Godmother and Greg was going to be the Godfather. We never told them, we wanted to wait. We had never been a fan of telling people what was going on."

"After it happened, Gil started working more hours, as he does when he is stressed. He resorts to work, to keep him busy, to help him organise his thoughts. I knew it was his way of dealing, I knew he had to do it. I was the same. I needed to work, I needed to distract myself. Which was why I came back to work in Vegas. I know Ecklie said he phoned me, but it was the other way round. I needed to get back to something I loved, and that was my job, with my friends. It was nothing to do with my relationship with Grissom, we were solid. He was incredible, despite his extra hours, he did everything he could, and he more than supported my decision to go back to Vegas. It was our way of dealing, our way of coping. So, four months after I miscarried, I was back in Vegas." She paused, looking up to meet Doug's eyes. "And the rest is history." The tears glistened in her eyes, and despite her best attempts, they started to fall.

He reached up and brushed the tears away, but they kept falling. "I am so sorry, Sara. You never deserved that. Neither of you should have had to go through that."

Sara nodded slowly, and blinked furiously, trying to dispel the tears from her eyes. She reached into the box once more, and pulled out the folded up sheet of paper, that she hadn't had a chance to look at earlier. She slowly unfolded it and passed it to Doug, for him to look at it. "They took these after. Said it helps sometimes, to have a little piece of them with you always."

Doug nodded, looking the tiny hand and foot prints. He felt a lump forming in his own throat, the more he thought about what Sara had been through in her life. "Has it helped?"

Sara nodded. "Yes, actually. Every now and then I'll take it out, when I'm having a bad day, and I swear, I can almost feel him kicking again. And God, did he kick." She said with a small laugh, but before she knew it, she had dissolved into tears once more. Doug carefully put the photo and the prints back into the wooden box, closed it over and placed it on the bedside table, beside the photograph of her and Grissom.

He quickly wrapped his arms around her shaking body, and pulled her tight to him, as he shuffled back on the bed, his back resting against the headboard as he cradled her against his chest.

He noted the bottles of beer on the floor, and he sighed ever so slightly. She sobbed hard against him, gripping onto his shirt as one of his hands rubbed her back and the other stroked her hair soothingly. "Shush, shush. It's okay... I'm here Sara." He whispered gently to her.

Despite her best efforts, she couldn't stop the tears. They ripped through her, clawing their way out, her body shaking with the exertion. This time she was not crying over her failed marriage. She was crying over her failed family. She was crying for the son she had never known, the family she would never have.

He didn't know how long they had been lying there, before her sobs finally eased, and he realised she had slipped into a sleep, the long night at work and the crying having worn her out.

He sighed, glad she was finally asleep. He had no idea how she did it. She had been through more than anyone he had ever known, and yet she still found the ability to get up in the morning, to smile, to be there for her friends when they needed her. It amazed her. she had such an incredible strength, more than even he had. He couldn't imagine going through half of what she had been through, and still able to get up the next morning.

He made a move to slid out from beneath her, but she started to stir, so he stilled, not wanting to disturb her while she was finally asleep.

"Gil..." She mumbled, almost incoherently as she nestled herself closer to him, the grip she still had on his shirt tightening.

"I'm here, Sara." He whispered back. It was the least he could do. Give her some rest, some sense of security, a safe place, even if it was just temporary. She deserved it. She deserved more than that, and he would do whatever he could from now on, to help ensure that she got that.

He settled back and closed his eyes, resting his head against the head board. He tightened his hold on her, and he drifted off to sleep, unaware of the presence outside, snapping pictures from a distance.

_**xxx**_

**A/N: **My usual thanks to Lauren for her help and encouragement on this one! Please lt me know what you think of this, even one word! Or I might think you guys don't want to read more, and I won't be as inclined to write! Couldn't have that! Thanks for reading, guys!


	10. Chapter 10

_**xxx**_

A shrill ringing in her ears was enough to rouse her from her sleep. It took her a few moments to guage where she was, and what was happening around her. She propped herself up on her forearms, blinking to try and clear her bleary vision.

It was dark out, and after a few moments she remembered she was in her room. She remembered Doug being there, and what she had told him. She must have cried a lot, because her throat felt raw and her eyes stung. She sighed as she rubbed at her eyes, brushing her matted curls off her face.

She slowly reached over to the bedside table, happily turning off the alarm that was ringing in her ears. She caught a glimpse of the photo that mocked her from her nightstand. Yet, despite the pang of pain she felt in her chest, she still smiled sadly at the photo. She slowly pulled herself up, only now taking not of the time. Seven pm. She still had a few hours before work, but she would go in early, rather than stay here.

She swung her legs over the side of the bed, and made her way out of her bedroom. It was only then she heard the unmistakable noises of someone in the kitchen. It was a familiar sound, and this time, sent no alarm bells ringing in her mind.

As a child, you get to learn the sounds of your families footsteps. For Sara, it had been more of a survival instinct for her, to know who was coming up the stairs, when to hide. If it was her father, they were heavy, uneven, stumbling ones, usually accompanied by his shouts, warning her what was coming, but it always gave her a chance to hide. Sometimes he was too drunk to find her. Sometimes, she never got a chance to hide, and others, it only infuriated her more and he wouldn't stop until he had found her, and the beatings would be even more brutal.

She had lived with Doug for a while, back in San Francisco, when things were good between them. It was instinct for her to memorize footsteps, and she hadn't been able to stop that over the years. She made her way into the kitchen, smiling at the sight before her.

Doug hummed quietly to himself as he stood over the stove, concentrating on the pan he had cooking, and from what she could tell, it was his specialty, not that she was surprised. She enjoyed his omelets. "I never thought I would see the day, Doug Wilson, domesticated."

Doug jumped, he hadn't heard her approaching, and obviously hadn't heard the alarm that had roused her from her sleep. "Jesus Christ, Sara. Are you trying to kill me?" He breathed, turning to look at her, an amused smile on his face, matching the one she wore. "What are you even doing awake, you don't have to work for like, five hours?" He asked with a quick glance to the clock on the wall.

Sara shrugged as she got herself a glass of water. "Habit, I guess. I never sleep more than I need to, and get into work as early as I can." She said as she drank some of the cold water, letting it soothe her dry throat.

"I was going to wake you soon, once I had finished cooking, but I started to get hungry, so I was cooking for myself, and I was going to cook for you and then wake you later, once you had slept some more." He said, turning his attention back to the omelet he had been cooking for himself. "How are you feeling now?"

Even though he wasn't looking at her, Sara shifted uncomfortably. "Better." Was all she could manage to say, swallowing some more water quickly, feeling the lump returning in her throat. "Doug... Thank you, for everything. For listening to me, and for being there for me."

Doug smiled softly as he turned to face her. "You need to stop thanking me, Sara. You know I will do anything for you." He said with a small smile. "Now, how about you go for a shower, and I make you something to eat, then you can go on your merry way to work another shift, catching the bad guys. Maybe you'll even get to use some physics, y'know, put that to some use." He added with a wink. It had always been a long running joke between the pair, that her masters in physics was a waste, and just proved she was a nerd. She didn't mind, she knew she wouldn't be where she was today without her physics. That was what had gotten her the job in San Francisco in the first place.

Sara nodded, finishing off the glass of water, and putting it int he dish washer, getting a strange sense of deja vu as she did so. "You know, thank you. I don't know how I can repay you for everything you've done." She said gently to him, her hand resting on his arm.

"Well, how about next time we go out for dinner, you let me pick the place." He said with a grin.

She laughed slightly as she nodded. "Alright, I think that I can manage." She said as she made her way out of the room, back into her bedroom, to the adjoining bathroom. She was looking forward to this shower, more so than she was the food. She stripped off, and turned on her ipod, letting the soft sounds of Ben Howard's haunting voice fill her mind before she slipped into the shower, under the hot spray of the water.

After a few minutes, Doug had finished making his food, and was just about to sit down to eat it when a knock on the door took his attention. He made his way out into the porch as cautious as Sara had, but without the gun. He glanced out the peephole, and as he noticed the familiar face, he unlocked the door and opened it.

"Hey, Russell, right?" He asked as he met the white haired older man on the step, with a perplexed look as to why it was not the brunette he had expected answering the door.

"Yeah, yeah, Doug Wilson, good to see you again. How have you been keeping?" He asked, his eyebrow quirked.

"I'm good. Thank you. Em, Sara's just in the shower, getting ready for shift, can I help you with anything?" He asked a little unsure of what he should do, if he should ask him in or not. He knew Sara and Russell got on well, but Sara was a very private person.

"Yeah, I was just coming by to see how she was, I was going to offer her a lift to work. I know she likes to get in there early, and I was heading in early myself, for a change. The wife is out of town for the weekend, I get restless sitting at home." He said with a small smile.

"Yeah, sure." He stepped aside, opening the door. "Sure, why don't you come in, Sara shouldn't be too long." Russell stepped in and Doug closed the door behind him, locking it just as Sara had. From how Russell maneuvered through the house, Doug had no questions about whether or not he had been in the house before.

The soft sound of shower running, and music filtered through to two men, as they made their way through to the dining are in Sara's home.

"I had just made dinner. Well, breakfast for you nightshift guys." Doug said with a small laugh. "Can I get you anything?" He asked as he sat down at the table, and Russell took the seat opposite.

"No, no, I'm good, thank you." He said gently, as Doug started to eat. "So, I'm guessing she told you about the Ronald Basderic situation?"

Doug shook his head as he swallowed a mouthful. "You know Sara. She doesn't tell you anything if she can get away with it. Julie Finlay, phoned me actually, gave me a heads up, so I came over to see if she was okay. What is going to happen?" He asked, looking up to meet his eyes.

"Well, we're still waiting on a date to be set, but I'm guessing it, with his attorney, it should be no longer than two or three weeks, and it will go to trial, to appeal his bail." He said, pinching the bridge of his nose, hating the thought of it.

"What do you think? How will it go?" Doug asked, as he continued to eat, hungrier than he had expected to be.

Russell shrugged slightly, holding his two hands up. "Who knows? It can go either way, I suppose. I know I told Sara it probably won't happen, but I suppose we have to be prepared for what might happen if he does manage to make bail. This guy is obsessive and patient. Very patient. He will come after her again. He hasn't done what he has wanted to do yet, and that is kill Sara, make her pay for what happened to Edie, because he blames her."

Doug nodded, from all accounts that sounded about right. "Well, if he does make bail, I can promise, he won't be going anywhere near her, until he gets through me." Doug said forcefully.

Russell nodded in agreement. "Yeah, get in line. I feel the same."

They heard the sound of the shower switch off, yet the music stayed on. As they heard Sara padding around in her bedroom, singing along with the music, both men shared a small smile.

Russell leaned forward, lowering his voice as he spoke to Doug. "I haven't seen her much over the last few weeks, she's been off work, and I didn't get much of a chance to talk to her last night, after I told her the news, she shut herself off, as Sara does best, that's why I cam around early, to make sure she was okay. How has she been, has she heard anything from Grissom?"

Doug shook his head. "No, not that she has told me, anyway. As far as I know, she hasn't heard from him at all. I do think she has been struggling hard to not contact him. You know Sara, she's a fighter. She wouldn't give up easily, so this is different. I think she really believes it's over."

"You know, sometimes I want to go find this man myself, and ask him what exactly was going on in his mind when he made that phonecall. From all accounts, he is supposed to be a genius, so I am left perplexed as to why someone would do this to Sara, would break her heart like this, when she deserves so much more." Russell said with a sigh. He had often been curious as to what exactly were the reasons behind it. Maybe it as his life as in investigator, obsessed with finding answers to questions, or maybe it was just out of wanting to care for the woman he had grown so fond of.

He could tell Doug had also fallen under her spell. Not many could escape the charm that was Sara Sidle. Once you met her, she was almost infectious. He had heard the whispers around the lab after the case Doug had worked with them, about a relationship he and Sara had had years previous when they worked together. Sara had confirmed it, one of the nights after shift when they had gone out for breakfast. Sara might have gotten over it, but he could see it in Doug's eyes, how he spoke about her, the promise in his voice when he said Ronald would have to go through him to get to Sara. There was no doubting this man still cared for her greatly.

Doug nodded, pushing his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, I've often wondered that myself. Trust me, it won't be long until he realises what a mistake he made, to let Sara Sidle walk out of his life. I suppose all we can hope, is that she can move on, or, that he realises how wrong he was before she meets somebody else." Doug looked away, dropping his eyes. He was speaking from experience there. He had made that mistake. when he realised just how wrong he had been, how big a mistake it had been letting her go, it was too late. She had already met Gil Grissom, and from that moment on, no other man in the world existed, in her eyes, or her heart.

He sighed as he heard the music switch off. He stood, collecting his plate and stowing them in the dishwasher.

Sara walked out of the bedroom, just as Doug made his way back to join Russell. "I thought I heard a familiar voice." Sara said softly, with a smile.

"Hey, Sara. How are you doing?" DB asked, his body turned to face her.

"Ready for another day at work." Sara said, with a practiced, easy smile, as she pulled her leather jacked on over her purple top and jeans. She grabbed her gun out of the closet, along with her ID and slung her green bag over her shoulder.

"Good, good. You look well today." He was telling the truth, she looked better rested, and a little more at peace than she had been in a long time. Maybe Doug was good for her.

Sara glanced at Doug, who gave her a knowing glance. It was obvious, sharing that secret she had kept for so long had benefited her. He was glad she was finally starting to get some peace.

"Yeah, well, you'd be amazed at what a good nights sleep and a nice shower can do for someone." Sara shrugged it off, keeping the smile on her face. "So, what brings you out here, Russell?"

"Well, you know, Barbara is out of town, I was getting restless at home, so I decided I might head in early. I have a lot of paperwork to catch up on. I may have been neglecting that side of the supervisor job lately."

Sara chuckled shortly at that comment, nodding knowingly. "Yeah Gil ah... Always hated that part too." She said quietly, glancing down at her hands for a moment, her eye catching the void on her ring finger, and she shoved them in her pockets. "So, let me guess, you came to pick me up? I was just about to head in, so I'm ready."

"Perfect, well timed then." DB smiled.

Sara turned and looked to Doug, "I'll take a rain check on that food, for now." Sara smiled. "Are you staying here, or are you going back to your apartment?" Sara asked Doug.

"I'll go back to the apartment, I have a few things I need to organise." Doug said, as he gathered up his keys and his jacket.

The three of them left the house, and Sara checked the doors and windows, making sure they were locked, and then set the alarm and locked the front door. "Okay, ready to go." She said, as she followed Russell to his car, and Doug made his way to his own. "Thank you, Doug." Sara called over to him with a smile.

"What did I tell you about that." Doug retorted as he unlocked his car. "You know where I am if you need me, go catch the bad guys." He said with a wink, as they both climbed into the different vehicles.

Sara slipped into the passenger seat, and put on her seat belt. She looked over to her friend, whose eyes were on her, eyebrows arched in question. "What?" She asked.

"Nothing. I'm just merely noting how comfortable Doug seems to be around you, and familiar around your home." He said, in a teasing tone. He knew Sara loved Grissom more than anything, and although it would be a little out of character for her, she still would not be the first person to fall into the arms of a familiar, comforting man, in the result of a breakdown of a marriage.

"Doug is just a friend." Sara said with a small laugh. "I've already told you. what we had was finished years ago, and he's just a friend now. I am thankful to have him, he has done a lot for me." Sara's dark eyes met the blue, and she laughed once more. "I swear, nothing has happened, he's just a friend."

"Are you sure that's all you are to him?" Russell asked, as he pulled out of the driveway.

Sara opened her mouth to reply but she found she couldn't answer straight away. She took a moment, and nodded then. "Yeah, yeah, that's all." Her eyes moved to gaze out the window, as she mulled this over in her mind.

"All right, Sara." And the conversation was left at that, as DB focused on driving, and Sara contemplated the question that now burned through her mind. Of course he only seen her as a friend. But, maybe she should talk to him about it, just in case. Surely he would only laugh at her, and tease her for having had such a thought.

He couldn't still have feelings for her, could he?

_**xxx**_

He sighed heavily as he pushed himself back against the cool wall in the bathroom. He had just emptied the entire contents of his stomach, which wasn't much, into the toilet. He had been warned about this, but he could never have been fully prepared for the effect chemotherapy would have on his body.

He was constantly tired. Most of his days were spent resting in bed, only rising to shower quickly, or to use the bathroom. Some days when he was feeling a little better, he would make it to the chair that had been positioned by the window so he could look out as he read through his book for the day.

He had lost weight, and no longer had that round belly that had made him so self-conscious when it came to undressing in front of his wife in the beginning. Soon, when he finally accepted that she didn't care, and realised just what effect he had over her own body, he started to feel less self conscious.

His hair had thinned out, and was almost completely white at this stage. When he looked in the mirror, he cringed, sunken eyes, no longer a bright blue, pale skin, and a frame that seemed to skinny. He had become the old man he had always been terrified of becoming.

Each time he looked at himself, it further cemented how glad he was that Sara would never see him like this. Of course, in his weaker moments, all he wanted was her. He wanted nothing more than to be curled around her body, wrapped tight against him, her warm frame keeping his body warm with the shivering started, wiping the clammy skin when he got too hot, or simply just reciting passages of Shakespeare to him when he felt he could not hold a book.

He longed for her touch on a daily basis, but he never let himself stoop into the selfish want of phoning her, of telling her everything, just to have her come to him. And he knew she would come. With no hesitation. She would drop everything and come to him. She would look after him until he took his last breath. She would do all that she had listed and more for him.

He would never lumber her with that, with the responsibility of caring for a dying old man. The doctors were hopeful though. They said it the cancer had been caught in an early stage, before it had a chance to spread from his pancreas. They maintained that chemo should help reduce the tumors, but Gil Grissom was not a stupid man. He knew the chemotherapy didn't agree with hi, it wasn't working for him. Maybe there were other options, but he didn't feel too hopeful these days.

He had moved back home, to his own house, a familiar surrounding for him. He told his mother. He had to tell someone, someone he loved and someone who would support him. He had always told her everything, that had not changed. She often asked about Sara, but he had told her on many occasions, warned her, Sara was not to know, not until after he had died.

His mother was hopeful too, she spent a lot of time in church praying for him. A lot of her friends would get together to pray for him, and he was thankful for that, he appreciated their time, but he did not know if he believed it would do him any good.

He stood up on shaky legs, and hung his head over the sink. He ran the cold tap, washed his face, and then brushed his teeth, avoiding looking at himself in the mirror. He didn't need anything else that might make him vomit. His appearance these days was one of those things.

Apart from the vomiting, he had been having one of his good days. He had been sitting at the desk in what used to be his fathers study, and he had taken it over as his own as he had grown older. He made his way back there, after grabbing a bottle of ginger ale from the fridge, to wash down the taste still prominent in his mouth.

He sat at his desk once more, and looked back at what he had been reading through, for what felt like the one hundredth time. His will. Newly updated. There was only two beneficiaries in his will. His mother, and Sara. He left enough to his mother so that she would have no money problems for the rest of her life. Everything else went to Sara, and it was still a substantial amount. He left the house to her, all money, all of his belongings. He would make sure she was cared for, even if he wouldn't be there to do it.

He closed it over, and pulled out the second file, the one that he had been avoiding looking at for obvious reasons. Divorce papers. He didn't want to leave her as a widow. Maybe it would be easier for her to deal with his death if they were divorced. it would start the healing process for her. She could already start to move on, to forget him, before the news came, and maybe it would be easier for her to deal with then.

He was just about to open them when he heard the doorbell go, the bells ringing, vibrating across the floorboards, a useful mechanism for the deaf, to tell when there was someone at the door.

He closed them over, and slowly made his way out of the office, to the front door. He wasn't expecting anyone, his mother was out at church, as she spent most of her days, and they rarely had any other visitors, by his own wish.

He pulled the door open, and stood, awestruck, his eyes locked on the burning eyes of his visitor, ones that had captured his attention years ago.

"Heather." He breathed. "What are you doing here?"

_**xxx**_

**A/N: **Dun, dun, duuun. Uh-oh, what did Rachel do? Let me know what you think! Love you all!


	11. Chapter 11

_**Time to be Together: Chapter 11**_

_**xxx**_

"So, what are we doing to celebrate?" Greg beamed as he bounded into the locker room, pulling his locker open, and reaching for his jacket.

Sara peered around from her locker, her eyebrow arched. "I didn't realise we had anything to celebrate."

Greg pulled his jacket on and closed his locker again with a bit too much enthusiasm. "Come on, Sara. What do you think we have to celebrate? Basderic didn't make bail!"

Despite herself, she couldn't help but smile. Greg had been a CSI for almost eight years now, and he reminded her a lot of how she used to be when she first started out. Greg had always been enthusiastic, and easily excited. When she was younger, she was the same. Even the smallest break in a case and she was like a kid in a candy store.

Greg still had that endearing quality about him, Sara's was long gone. Maybe it was a sign she had been doing the job too long, or that she had matured. It was refreshing to see the sparkle in Greg's eyes, the bounce in his step and the bright smile. It had been a long time since she had recognised any of those traits in her own reflection.

"I know Greg, I'm not surprised though. After everything he did, do you really think they would have let him out on bail?" She tried to sound convincing, and give a small smile to accompany it. In fact, she had been surprised. Maybe she had now come to expect the worst in life, and so she had spent the last week since the announcement that Ronald was seeking bail, working. She had barely spent any time in her home, glad it had been a busy week, that she could pull triples with no questions asked.

She had been helping Doug settle into life in Vegas, and with his preparations for the seminar he was helping to teach in WLVU. She had pretty much done everything she could to avoid being on her own, left to the darkness of her own thoughts, the demons patiently waiting for a moment to rise once more.

"We've got nothing to celebrate until the final verdict of guilty is given." If it's given, she thought, pulling on her jacket and closing over her locker, as she shouldered her bag.

"Come on, Sara. It's been ages since I've had time with my best friend. I feel like I haven't seen you in much too long. We used to always do something together." Greg said honestly, and she could see the gleam of disappointment in his eyes.

He was right. They used to be inseparable. Before Greg had become a CSI, he was the sweet, crazy lab tech, that never failed to put a smile on her face when she was having a bad day. When he had started to train as a CSI, she had taken him under her wing and had become his mentor in a way. She had always had a close relationship with him, like a brother and sister. Of course, she had always know about his little crush on her, but that was history now. From what she could see, he now had some interest in Morgan. Little did he know that he had helped her a lot through the turbulent back and forth relationship she had with Grissom in the beginning.

They used to have weekly nights they would spend in one of their apartments watching movies with pizza and beer, or out in a bar for a change of scenery or after a particularly hard case, or if Grissom was just making things hard for her. Shortly after Greg passed his proficiency, that was when her relationship with Grissom really started. She still made time for Greg, and was glad that she had kept her apartment even after she had moved in with Grissom.

Since she had come back to Vegas, they had restarted their ritual, but less frequently. Usually any free time Sara had was saved so she could take a weekend, or if she was lucky, a week off to go to Paris to see her husband. In the last year or so, it was very rare when they did it, and she knew it was her fault. Things were getting harder between her and Grissom, and she started to withdraw from everyone. It was her defense mechanism, if she pulls away from people, she can't get hurt.

She sighed deeply, running a hand through her hair. "You're right, Greg. I know, I'm sorry." She said as she met his bright eyes. "Doug is coming over later on, why don't you come over too, we'll get pizza and beer and have one of our famous nights?" She said, as she leaned back against her locker.

She didn't miss how his eyes narrowed slightly at the mention of Doug, and she tried to surpress her smile, knowing what was coming next.

"You've been spending a lot of time with Doug over the last few weeks." Greg said carefully.

Playing dumb, even though she knew what he was getting at, she nodded. "Yeah, I have. He's been a great friend to me, Greg." She tried not to put the emphasis on the word 'friend' that she seemed to need to use when it came to talking about Doug.

"You two used to be together?" He was even more tentative about this. Sara was a private person at the best of times, and usually all he had to do was flash her his signature cheeky smirk, and she would forgive him.

"Yeah, a long, long time ago Greg. He has a failed marriage behind him and well... So do I." She swallowed the words, bitter in her mouth. She tried to keep the smile on her face, trying her best to keep the humor in her voice. If she could make them believe she was okay, maybe she could make herself believe she was okay. "We're just friends, just like you and I."

"Well, just so you know, if Doug makes you happy, then I'm happy for you too, and I know the rest of the team would be too. You have a right to meet someone new, Sara."

Sara offered a small smile, shaking her head. She was sick of hearing that. Everyone had said it to her, maybe not as direct as Greg had - with the exception of Finn - but everyone had said some variation of the same thing. The main message; move on. she was tired of it.

"I appreciate it Greg, I really do but it isn't that easy. I know everyone keeps saying give it some time, I will be ready to move on, or that they will be happy for me. I appreciate the support, but it isn't as simple as that. It's not like a pet died, give it a few weeks and buy a new one. My marriage is over, Greg. The man I love left me. The only man I have ever loved. There will never be anyone else for me, okay?" She snapped. Everything had just tumbled out, the result of keeping her thoughts to herself for too long, and poor Greg was the victim.

She groaned inwardly and rubbed her eyes, before she ran her hands through her hair once more. "I'm sorry Greg, I didn't mean to sound like such an ass. It's just -"

"No need to say anymore." Greg cut her off, his hand resting on her shoulder, squeezing gently. "I'm sorry, I never meant to offend you, I just want to see you happy, that's all, Sara." He paused for a moment, his eyes locked with hers. "You name the time, I'll bring the beer, and my charming personality of course." He beamed.

She couldn't help but laugh, and she sighed, relaxing, feeling better that Greg had not taken her outburst personally. "Give me about an hour just to get home, shower, and tidy up a little bit, okay?"

"Perfect, that gives me some time to finish up on this report, and then I can leave. See you then, Sara." And with that he pulled her into a tight hug. She was momentarily surprised, but she relaxed into his hold, and returned the hug, slipping her arms around his waist, and just allowing herself to be held for a few moments. She had felt safe and secure in his arms, but she wouldn't mention how she had been imagining it was someone else holding her.

She eventually pulled away from him, flashed him a smile and bid her goodbye, leaving the lab with a much lighter heart, thanks to the news of Basderic, and the prospect of some quality time with two of her closest friends.

After about forty minutes,Greg was just finishing up his report in the break room, silently wondering how long he had to be a CSI before he would get his own desk. He had just closed it over, ready to drop it on Russell's desk, when the white-haired man in question bounded into the breakroom, a look of panicked urgency on his face. "Where is Sara?" He demanded.

"She left," Greg checked his watch, "Just over half an hour ago. Why? What's wrong?"

Russell muttered a series of curse words under his breath, rubbing his jaw before pulling his phone out of his pocket. "Basderic escaped." He breathed as he dialed Sara's number. _Hi, you've reached Sara Sidle... _Voicemail. He cursed again, and he put his phone back in his pocket. "Come on, we're going to her house."

_**xxx**_

Sara had made it home in record time, thankful for the light traffic that had made her trip easier. She had made her way inside, locking the door behind her and setting the alarm. She dropped her bag in the living room, and left her gun in the top drawer she usually stowed it in, shrugging her jacket off and draping it over a chair.

She took a good look around her living room, her hands sliding into the back pockets of her jeans as she heaved a sigh. It still never felt right. It felt too big for her. Too many rooms and too much space for just one person. She was glad at least that for tonight she would not feel as alone in it.

She did a quick clean up, with music playing to fill her mind and after twenty minutes, she made her way to the bathroom, stripped her clothes off and was in the shower. She had about half an hour left until Greg got here, and Doug would be there any time after that. she was looking forward to just relaxing tonight, back to a time years ago, when her world didn't seem so dark and dreary.

She washed her hair and scrubbed her body in just over ten minutes, never one to indulge in long amounts of time standing in the shower, unless of course she had someone to share it with, but that had been a long time ago.

She switched off the water, and slipped out of the shower, grabbing her towel and quickly drying off her body before she reached for her silk robe, slipping it on. Before she could reach up to dry off her hair her head snapped up. The distinct sound of her front door closing was heard over the soft sound of her music.

Her whole body stiffened, and she heard nothing else. Heart hammering in her chest, she slipped soundlessly from the bathroom to her adjoining bedroom. Her gun was in the chest of drawers in the living room, but it was times like this when she was thankful for keeping a backup in her bedroom. She had invested in a second one after Ronald, and she hadn't removed it.

She pulled it out, and made her way to the bedroom door. She had left her door ajar, and she could hear the distinct movement of footsteps, trying to be silent in her living room. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves, slowly pushed her door open, clicked the safety off on her gun and slipped out into the hallway.

She hugged the wall, and crept towards the living room. Just as she rounded the corner, gun raised, ready for action, the two figures in the room spun to look at her, guns raised also.

"Woah, it's just us, Sara."

"Jesus Christ. What are you trying to do to me?" She breathed heavily, as she was met with the relieved faces of DB and Greg.

All three of them seemed to share a breath before lowering their guns and setting them down.

"What are you doing here?" She asked quickly. "With guns drawn, no less. And how the hell did you get in?"

"The door was unlocked Sara, alarm off." DB informed her.

She paled, shaking her head. "What?" She asked in disbelief.

"You think after paying so much for a high security alarm system, you would use it." Greg said with a small smile, trying to relieve the tension in the room.

She was silent for a moment, before she nodded, smiling softly. "Yeah, I must have forgotten, I was in a rush to get ready." She supplied, although the sinking feeling in her stomach did nothing to calm her. "That still doesn't answer my question," She continued. "What are you doing here?"

Greg and DB shared a glance, and that was when she knew. She felt sick.

"Basderic escaped." Russell confirmed. "I tried to phone to check on you, but I didn't get an answer, and then the door was open."

Sara barely heard a word after he confirmed her worst fear. Basderic was out, and if he was out he would be coming after her.

"Sara, did you hear me?" Greg said, his hand on her arm shaking her out of her thoughts.

She looked up to him and nodded. "Yeah." She took a shaky breath. "Yeah. I um... I'm going to go get dressed. Just... Give me a minute." She said as she turned her back on them and made her way back into the bedroom, closing her door behind her. She leaned against it, trembling violently.

A sudden thought came to her mind. She made her way over to her bedside table, picking up the photo that still sat there, the one she could not part with. She traced the shape of Grissom's face, her shaking finger lingering for just a moment. Something didn't feel right. She sat down and quickly turned it over, removing the back of the frame.

She gasped slightly as a slip of paper slid from the inside of the frame and onto her lap. She set the photo aside and slowly reached for the paper.

She turned it over and almost dropped it again, almost as if she had been burnt by the touch of it.

_See you soon._

She sat silent for a moment, letting it all sink in. He had escaped. Somehow, he had done it, and he had come straight to her home. She knew she had locked the door and set the alarm, but he had still gotten in, undetected. He had obviously been watching her again, to know she was home alone.

Once more he had been in her home. In her bedroom while she was in the next room, showering. He had touched her things, one of the most important things to her, the photo of her and Grissom. She didn't know what had drawn her to look at it, it was like a compulsion.

She felt sick. He was doing it again. He wanted to torture her, slowly. If this was just about killing her, he would have done that already, she would be dead right now. This was about making her suffer, making her pay for taking Edie away from him.

Anger bubbled in the pit of her stomach now. She grabbed the note and crumpled it up, tossing it to the other side of the room. She would be dammed if she let him control her life again, if she let him allow her to live in fear.

She quickly dressed, pulling on jeans and a long sleeved shirt. She made her way into the bathroom, and splashed cold water onto her face in an attempt to calm herself, to have a brave face before she faced her friends again.

She slowly made her way back into the living room, and found DB and Greg sitting on the sofa.

"Are you okay, Sara?" DB's voice greeted her and she shivered slightly at the concern that so clearly laced his voice. She refused to go back to this again.

"I'm fine." She ignored the shared glance between her supervisor and best friend. "So, what happened?" She asked gently. "How did he manage it?"

"He must have someone on the inside, or someone helping him from the outside. On the return from court today, he started complaining of severe stomach pains, and then started vomiting. He passed out and they brought him to Desert Palms with a suspected ruptured appendix. Once he was in a triage room, being worked on, he managed to knock out the two nurses and struggled with the doctor, he's in surgery now, looks like he had been stabbed, but he should make it. There's an investigation being launched by IA to see where the two guards that were with him had gone to. He shed his clothes, changed and slipped out of this hospital." Russell informed her calmly.

Sara nodded, pacing a little, her arms folded across her chest as she took everything in.

"We will catch him, Sara." Russell said gently this time.

"Yeah, and until then, I'll stay here with you. Or you can come stay with me. We can all take turns." Greg piped up.

"No-"

"I've spoke to Brass." DB cut her off. "He's working on getting a rotation working of PD police, his men, two outside your home at all times until Ronald is back in custody."

"No, guys-" She tried again.

"Yeah, we're not letting him put a hand on you, Sara. We'll get him. We'll all pitch in." Greg said firmly.

"No!" Sara near shouted this time, to get their attention. With wide eyes they looked at her now, standing firm with hands on her hips. "I will not be treated like a victim, in my own home. I refuse to play a victim. I can look after myself. I won't be made look over my shoulder at every turn, putting your lives on hold, and you in danger to look after me. If Basderic comes here, if he comes to me, I can take care of myself."

Greg opened his mouth to argue with her, but Russell raised his hand, cutting him off. "You're right, you shouldn't be made feel like that in your own home. But, I won't risk your safety, Sara, not in the name of your pride." He said firmly.

"This is not about my pride, Russell." She bit back. "You don't know what this is like, to be stalked by a psychopath, intent on killing you. I can look after myself in my own home. If it keeps you happy, have PD do drive bys, but that is it."

"You're right, and I hope I don't ever have to know what it is like, Sara. But I also don't want to know what it is like to lose someone you care about as much as I care about you." He reasoned gently.

Sara seemed to soften slightly at that, running a hand through her damp hair. "Okay." She breathed. "Okay. I just don't need to be smothered okay? I don't need worry or concern or pity. Everything is still the same."

Russell nodded, smiling slightly. "Alright, it's a deal." He stood up and rubbed her hands together. "Well, I've got to get back to the lab, I'll talk to Brass, and talk to you then." He said and Sara followed him over to the door, Greg coming behind her. "Next time, answer your phone, and lock and alarm the house, at all times."

Sara nodded with a small smile. "Yeah, I will. I'll see you later for shift."

Russell nodded with the same smile. "Greg, are you riding back with me?"

Greg glanced to Sara, wondering if they were still on for their plans. Sara was about to answer, to tell him to return home, she wanted to be alone when her attention was drawn to a rustling by the trees to the left of her house. She could have sworn she saw something - or someone - moving in the shadows.

"Yeah, yeah, we're still on, Greg." She said with a smile. "There's beer in the fridge, why don't you go and get that sorted, I've got takeout menus on the fridge too."

Greg bid his goodbye to Russell and slipped back into the house.

"He won't get away with this, Sara." He said, trying his best to comfort her. "Maybe you should call Gil, I'm sure he would want to know." Russell said, trying to think of things that might make this a little easier. Surely if he loved her as much as he was supposed to, he wouldn't allow her to be alone with someone like Basderic floating around.

Sara shook her head vehemently. "No. He hasn't wanted to know anything about me in the last three months."

"Alright, well, just a thought. See you soon, Sara."

Sara smiled slightly and watched him drive off. She stood in the doorway for a moment, watching the shadows in the distance.

She meant what she said earlier. She wouldn't be a victim this time. She wouldn't play his games. If it came down to it, if she had to, she would kill him.

_**xxx**_

**A/N: **Sorry for the wait on this chapter guys! Thanks to Lauren for her thoughts on this chapter, but I would LOVE to have your thoughts, that's right, you, my favorite reader ;) (Hope that might work ahaha!) anyway, leave a review! Next chapter is ready to go, so more reviews, faster posting... Will we hear more from Ronald in the next chapter? Will Sara take Russell's advice and phone Grissom? Well... Let's review and find out!


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